Iris: A Kakashi Love Story
by QueenElric19
Summary: And I don't want the world to see me... Cause I don't think that they'd understand... When everything's made to be broken... I just want you to know who I am
1. Prologue

Iris, the young woman that lived across the street, was out tending to her garden again.

She swept from flower to flower, pushing and pulling the perfectly trimmed grass with her little pink toes. As she did so, she continued to smile all the while, and to anyone that was watching the scene, a sort of dreamlike atmosphere was instantly created. Her hair, dark in places, and light in others, followed the motion of her fluid dance, and as she moved from one plant to the next, the soft blades and stems curled around her feet, slowing her, as if they wanted Iris to stay with them forever. She smiled broadly and nodded towards them, as if promising that she would come back; that she would _always_ come back, and in response, their spirits laughed along with her. She continued on her way, twirling among them.

Of course, Iris was a busy woman, and truthfully, she had little to no time to spare for these plants. But, as she cared for them as if they were her own children, she could not _help_ but carve out a space in her calendar to spend immersed in their presence. Each flower, every day, needed to receive individual care; morning and afternoon. They needed to be watered, spoke to, consoled - perhaps even sung to, if the occasion called for it - and if they asked nicely, given special attention. Iris was a firm young woman, and she liked things to stay proper, but if her assistance, or even just another second in her attention was to be requested in such a humble way, she had no choice but to comply and give them a few extra minutes of her time. When dealing with her plants, Iris became rather soft, and today was no exception.

To her dismay - and quite possibly the plants' as well - the sun was high up in the sky; smoldering the air around it, and creating a hazy image of what neither of them, human or not, could see. And, though Iris liked to say that the excruciating heat didn't bother her, as long as she got to spend her time with her plants, that wouldn't be perfectly truthful.

The humidity in the air kept her sweating as she worked - moving with her rusty old watering can from flower to flower - and she often had to pause to take a swig of her water bottle; filled with stale tap water that was just as hot as the perspiration trickling down her temple. It had been sitting out in the sun for hours now, as she had neglected the task of placing it in the shade in her haste to see her babies, and it now tasted similar to what she assumed _she_ would taste like, right now, as she had also been forced to endure the sun's harmful rays. It was expected, of course, as it was her own mistake, but still, she had to force herself to not cringe at the taste. Every gulp had her imaging even further that she was drinking her own sweat, and the thought did not please her. Truly, just as it did every late June in the village of Konoha, the heat wave had hit them hard.

Up until this point in the week, the weather had brought nothing but sweltering heat, forcing her to water her plants not twice a day as she normally did, but _three_ times. Of course, it wasn't that she was complaining about getting an excuse to spend more time with her children, but even still, it was affecting her well being, and that wasn't something she could easily ignore. Lately, Iris had been getting a little short of breath, and the constant dehydration wasn't exactly helping her focus on the matter at hand either. Truly, the heat was taking a toll on her, and for her own sake, she probably should have let herself slack off for at least a day. However, simply because she loved her plants above all else, no matter how hot it may have been, she stood - ever the trooper - in her official garden outfit that was necessary to give her the full effect of the watering, still in the midst of her plants. She wasn't about to give up on them yet; heat or no heat, and nothing anyone said could stop her.

Still, though, it definitely didn't help that her outfit was made for autumn weather.

For as long as she could remember, or at least, as long as she had been living in this quaint section of Konoha, Iris had used the very same outfit for anything that had to do with her garden; whether it be in the depths of winter, or the wet, dreary days of spring. It was simply what she did, and after having worn it for years on end, she couldn't exactly switch to a different setup. Anyway, it wasn't exactly like she could afford a new outfit for every year, or for that matter, every season, so she would just have to tough it out for the time being.

Even now, despite how terribly hot it was, Iris refused to remove her countless layers of attire. Over her normal clothes, she wore a cotton apron, two wool gloves, and a pair of thick leggings made from coarse fabric to keep the dirt off when she kneeled. Her feet were protected by insulated rubber boots that could probably last her for years in the Land of Snow, and overall, there wasn't much skin showing on her person besides her face. Obviously, in some standards, this could have been considered a good thing, as being burnt by the sun was just as dangerous as being overheated by it, but no matter how you sliced it, wearing such thick layers of clothing - which were quite obviously made for much colder weather - wasn't the healthiest choice for the state of her body. If she wanted to last long enough to care for each and every plant in that garden for the rest of their annual lives, she would have to be careful, and, it would probably only help her cause if she switched out the uniform made for abrasive environments to one that suited the mostly calm climate that she found herself in. However, as Iris was not one to waste, especially when it came to money, she had made no plans to do so. _This_ was what she got all year round, and, as her budget was a little low at the moment, it just wasn't worth it to complain. She would just have to risk getting heatstroke.

With a sigh that was most definitely not the first in her day, Iris raised a hand to wipe away the sweat that had mysteriously replenished itself on her forehead. In hand was her rusty watering can, and as she tilted it downwards to water a particularly droopy petunia, she watched the outpour of thick droplets with an envious eye. Oh, how she longed to soak herself with it as well. Unlike her own water bottle, which still sat stale and practically boiling, the water in her can had been pumped fresh from the short hose connected to her house, and as she had refilled the can many times already, the water inside the pump was now flowing properly, and cool water spouted from the open end of the tube. All that currently occupied her mind was the selfish wish to pour it over her head.

All she had to do to gain sweet relief was halt the flow. She could raise it to her head, dump it over herself and relish in the feel of the cool water sloshing against her sticky body. It wasn't that difficult a task, and if that wasn't enough, she could always hook the end up to a sprinkler and stand directly in front of it; letting the water soak her clothes.

She took in a hasty breath. The relief would be worth getting the ground muddy, and letting her plants wait just a bit longer than usual, right?

 _...Right?_

Tilting the can teasingly downwards, Iris again watched as groups of droplets staying suspended in the air for seconds at a time before finally crashing down among the silk leaves; caressing them in its liquid embrace. Her mouth suddenly felt very dry, and as she set her mouth in a firm line, she hesitantly stopped the flow and brought the can up to her eyes, measuring her options.

 _Just a little sprinkle wouldn't hurt… If she just-_

 _No,_ she suddenly stopped herself.

She made a point of slapping her hand.

 _No._ Her babies needed the water more than she, and even though she could've just poured it over her head right then and there, and had it refilled within the minute, she came to the conclusion that any slackish behavior was not to be welcomed in her garden. She needed to keep her mind on what was really important.

The thought of even touching the water vanished from her mind as a broad smile once again graced her features, and she stared lovingly at her plants. Iris tilting the nozzle of the can back down so that it faced that very same, thirsty petunia, and this time, as she watched the water flow out from the head, she didn't allow herself to become jealous. Yes, she still wanted terribly to douse herself in that water, but even the thought of her plants having to suffer for another moment longer had her grinning as if she wasn't scorching hot; the corners of her lips tilting upwards towards the sun.

Even though it was paining her in more ways than one, and causing more problems than she had the strength to deal with, Iris felt no remorse towards the star that burned her so. The sun was simply there to help her flowers grow. Nothing more, and nothing less. She could not hate her family's life line, and even if she was led to feel disdain for it for but a second, ultimately, she could not wish for it to disappear, because if she did, her plants would vanish along with it. Iris couldn't have that; they were her family, and she planned to keep them safe. If it was in _their_ best case of interest, then her own concerns meant nothing. That was the way it should be, and even though her wayward heart so longed to break the mold, in the end, the final verdict was always ruled in their favor. Truly, it was often that Iris was led to think this way, and for the sake of her plants, Iris decided that she didn't mind. She was only but a slave to their beauty.

With a firm nod, she decided that she could easily maintain herself for another hour at least. Her plants were much more important than her gluttonous desires, and anyway, looking at them so happy - _feeling_ how happy they were - was enough to satisfy her appetite for the time being.

Iris looked back onto her darlings, and shifted her position slightly, so she was now watering a marigold. Still, she held the same grip on her watering can, and also, to the grin on her face; which in turn made the flowers shiver with delight, as they all chorused the same joyous line.

 _Mommy was happy again!_

Even more so than before, she smiled as they conveyed these words to her; thinking of how she wouldn't give this up for the world.

Though many a people living in Konoha did not understand the relationship Iris had with her plants, Iris did not feel threatened or obligated to change. She simply didn't feel at home anywhere else than her garden. It was her escape from reality; her own little world, and though many of them completely disapproved of her self-employed passion, she decided that she just didn't care.

Well...maybe she cared just a _little_ bit.

If she was being truthful, Iris would have to say that their words definitely stung. Deep down, she worried about what they thought of her, and though outwardly she appeared as though she didn't care, within the sanctity of her thoughts, she allowed herself to vent a little of her fears and frustrations. Truly, she wanted to be what they envisioned of her; she _wanted_ to be the girl they spoke of, the girl that had _so_ much talent that she could do anything. Iris wanted to live up to what they said about her; she wanted to be just as intelligent, beautiful, and capable as they thought she was. She wanted to be able to help the village.

However, despite their praise, that just wasn't her. Even though they said they admired her, they looked down upon the only thing that was actually true about her, which would be her relationship with her plants. They, being the superstitious housewives that they were, thought that it was simply a frivolous time-waster, and that it could never be considered an actual job. They thought it wasn't right for a girl like her, and that she should be putting her talents into other, more _important_ things.

Of course, they had never actually been able to answer just what those 'important' tasks were, but they tried to justify their reasoning by saying that in caring for plants, she was neglecting her late parents; which was really just them trying to make her feel guilty. They said that since she had an elderly mother and father to support, who even now refused to move into an old folk's home, she was 'abandoning them', and in tending to her garden each day, she was somehow making them deteriorate at a faster level than they should have been.

Obviously, what they didn't know, was that she still cared for them dearly, and that she even did part-time jobs late at night to pay for their expenses, but as they had already proved themselves to be so stubborn, Iris wasn't about to tell them that. Truly, if they had done even an inch of research to back up their claims, they surely would have already known that she completely supported both herself and them financially. And, if she was still getting by, then surely again, they shouldn't have been able to complain; especially when added with the fact that said parents had openly said they were completely happy with how their daughter was living her life.

Perhaps, they wished she didn't work herself so hard, but still, they were happy, simply because Iris was. If she wanted this, then that was what they wanted for her too, as truly, the only thing they wished for their beautiful daughter was happiness. The villagers would have known that, had they actually tried to learn. And though Iris liked to think of herself as a mellow person, she was becoming both unnerved and annoyed by their foolish and uneducated claims.

Accusations like this were made almost daily, during a time, and, though they had little to no truth to them at all - and definitely no actual research - they had cut pretty deep. Sure, she knew the truth; Iris _knew_ that she had never abandoned her parents, but even still, the harsh words of the villagers had even her doubting what she knew for a fact to be right - at least for a time. Of course, she quickly got over it, after she realized that if anything, it was _them_ not paying attention to her parents, and not her, but still, the memory of her weakened self esteem was fresh in her mind.

Iris still, even now, though she had long since overlooked it, worried about what claim the villagers would bring next. She wondered if one of them, the next time, or the one after that, would actually be true. Obviously, the accusation of her abandoning her parents had been proven false, and that _should_ have been enough assurance to convince herself that they were never going to come up with a rational story, but even still, she worried. Iris didn't want to have to leave this town, like she had been forced to leave the others. She liked it too much here, despite the negative attitude of her neighbors towards her beloved hobby, and the thought of having to pack her things for what seemed like the hundredth time broke her heart. She didn't want to go.

Of course, she had tried to simply ignore all of the villagers' comments and move on with her life, but it hadn't worked. Yes, it had been successful for a while, as she truly _wasn't_ bothered by anything they said after years upon years of hearing the exact same things not-so-quietly whispered behind her back, but as the threats became more serious, her anxiousness returned as well. For some time, she tried laughing the things they did and said off, but when one of them had the audacity to damage her garden, she had declared it to be the last straw. To her, it was unforgivable that they would do such a thing, and she could no longer see the amusement in wondering why they got so heated up about her life, though she didn't have any relations to any of them. She was finished with being the nice guy. And it was simply too late for apologies.

On that fateful day, she had stormed into each of their houses - at least the ones with occupants she knew to have been rude to her on any occasion - and she gave every single one a separate piece of her mind. The woman who had said her hobby was useless got a heated scolding. The man who had refused to talk to her after he found himself believing that Iris neglected her parents was forced to weed her strawberries. And the group who had torn up a section of her garden?

You don't want to know.

All that is necessary to take from this, is that Iris was left alone from that point on. Afterwards, she felt a little guilty about how harshly she had taken it out on her neighbors, but after some time, she realized that they deserved it. Of course, per her plants request, she had apologized to every single one, and in turn, most of them apologized to her, as they hadn't realized just how much she cared for the plants in her garden, but even still, she found it a little hard to forgive; at least not right away.

It took a while, as Iris _definitely_ needed a bit of time to adjust, but eventually, she allowed herself to interact with her neighbors again. For a good year, she had remorsed; doing what she did best - which would be watering her plants - and after emerging from it, she felt like a new woman.

Now, she was confident, despite what the people of the village may or may not continue to say. Iris would just keep tending to her garden. That's what she would do.

There would be no switch to her becoming a teacher at the academy like they all so longed her to. She would not become a nurse at the local hospital. And no, she would most definitely not become a ninja either. She didn't want to be reminded of something unnecessary.

Iris was perfectly suited to the contours of the little world she had created, and she was content.

She would care for her flowers until the day she died.

And nothing - not even an unwelcome visit from an old enemy - would stop her.


	2. 1 And I'd Give up Forever to Touch You

It had been two years since Kakashi first moved into the countryside of Konoha, and, though he liked to believe that he had adapted well, there were still a number of problems.

Officially, or at least, as the story went, he was on leave by orders of the Hokage - someone he couldn't go against no matter the absurdities in the proposal - simply because he stored too much negative energy inside of him, and desperately needed a break from the congested capital, bustling with people. For the sake of his own sanity, he needed a simpler lifestyle, a more rural society in which to interact, and a new definition of peace and quiet to calm his soul before he could return to a full time duty as a ninja of Konoha. To say it blatantly, Kakashi just needed a break. And that was what anyone who was curious enough about him to ask was told.

Consequently, it was also, because of the Hokage's superior influence, what all of the reports regarding his leave entailed. However, despite not technically being a lie, it wasn't exactly the whole truth either. Sure, it _grazed_ over the true reasons as to why he was no longer living at the ready to be called for each and every mission, but for anyone that knew Kakashi personally, the matter at hand was much more serious than what the local information sources seemed to think. It wasn't just a matter of needing a simple break anymore.

In truth, though he hated to admit it, Kakashi was experiencing something along the lines of severe depression, or at the very least, something close to it. All of the evidence torn from the situation pointed to it, and, despite what Kakashi may or may not have felt personally about such a verdict, the Hokage seemed to believe it. He had told Kakashi very plainly, back at the beginning of his leave, that he was worried about him, and that if anything were to happen to such a fine jounin, he would never be able to forgive himself. Of course, at the same time, he believed very strongly that Kakashi _could_ and _would_ get over this, with the help of some natural therapy, but it still didn't save him from the act of being worried. The Hokage was an anxious man, though he didn't often look it, and he was constantly at his wit's end fretting over the well-being of the ninjas he considered to be his own children. Sticking Kakashi in a countryside village off to the side of Konoha had been his only option. And, though Kakashi was grateful for all that had been given to him - after all, he now had an entire house to his name, and it wasn't anything _close_ to shabby - he still didn't exactly see the point in it.

After all, one could not just _stop_ feeling like a worthless human being.

Though the Hokage had made some valid points, Kakashi simply was unable to bring himself to believe that he would be able to heal from such a thing. In his opinion, it was only natural for him to feel the way he did. It wasn't something that he could just _change_ with a few deep breaths of unpolluted air. What he felt inside held a stronger barrier on his soul than that. It wasn't about to be broken by some cheap therapy. And honestly, it wasn't about to be broken at all.

After the deaths of Obito and Rin, and even way back when after the death of his father, dark feelings had begun bottling up inside of him. At first, it had been small; just the normal grief, but after some time, in which he had foolishly decided to ignore it, it had sprung upon him once more with a strength of a thousand men. Even now, despite the two years of rest, it was still there, swirling just beneath the surface inside of him; a force so dark and malevolent that even Kakashi, the infamous copycat ninja, could not overcome it. It didn't have a name, nor a physical form, but he had begun to recently refer to it as his own, personal band of demons, and it soon became a memento of all of his mistakes. Every regret he felt, every time he allowed himself to feel misery, it grew stronger, and by feeding on his pain for so long, it had started to overtake his entire existence. At this point, he could hardly even see the point of living another day. He couldn't see the light, any longer, and, as his demons refused to let him regain a hold on his life, it wasn't his fault.

He just couldn't help feeling the way that he did.

Even though, for this assignment, he had been given an entire house to his name, which unlike his usual cramped apartment, was spacious and pristine, he couldn't find it in him to be happy. He simply couldn't feel the joy of life anymore, and with every hopeless step that he took - whether metaphorical or literal - he was falling further and further into the clutches of those demons. They controlled his life. They told him what to do. And there wasn't anything, not even the spoilt living conditions, that could help him stop it.

Nothing, truly, except for one, _wonderful_ woman.

 _Kakashi could describe the most enjoyable part of his laid-back mission in one word:_ _Iris_.

As if to become the one, single beacon of hope in his life, the 25 year old beauty had lived in the house across from his for his entire two year stay, and, though excluding the time in which he had not been familiar with her, there had not been even a day where he hadn't gone to visit her. He adored her, and everything about her, and whenever he could pry himself away from the thought of his demons, she was always on his mind. Iris was pleasant, warm, and intelligent; everything he needed right now. And, though he didn't deserve even an inch of her kindness, it was truly the only thing that was keeping him alive right now.

He didn't need the Hokage to tell him that.

Looking out his window, he was met with a usual sight. Iris's hair, a soft shade of caramel - perhaps more a light brown than anything - was wound tightly in a bun as she smiled down at her plants, and, despite the heat wave that had come upon them, she looked as if she wasn't tired at all. Of course, he hadn't been staring the _entire_ time, so he didn't know for certain, but it was plain to see that she had not just begun working. There was a definite stream of perspiration trickling down her temple, and at the sight of it, Kakashi allowed a slight grin to cross his face as well. One of the things he loved the most about her was her dedication.

With a turn of her head, she noticed him looking at her through his window, and briefly taking a break from her task, she waved at him with a bright smile. Kakashi waved back, and as he did so, the smile that had previously sat without much effort on his lips widened considerably. Truly, the only time he was able to smile was when it had to with her.

 _He wondered if it would be considered too pushy to go see her right now._

Now, before you jump to conclusions, I must tell you that he in fact, _wasn't_ pervertedly watching her, or stalking her for that matter. The two of them, though they seemed to be an unlikely pair, were friends, and close ones at that, meaning that they trusted one another. If Iris ever caught him looking at her, she'd smile, like she did now, and there was definitely no doubt of the other's intentions on either side. There had never been a time when she had accused him of being a pervert. There was trust in their relationship, and there always had been. She knew him, and he knew her. There was no reason to doubt the truth, and even at that, it was simply silent admiration for her strong character that drove him to glance at her on occasion. He just... _respected_ her. Nothing more. And anyway, no matter the _reason_ as for why he looked so _longingly_ at his beloved neighbor, he definitely wasn't a stalker.

Kakashi could second and third that one.

As Iris turned back to finish tending to her plants, a loud sigh was uttered by our unfitting hero as Kakashi slumped down from his chair, onto the carpeted ground, and rolled onto his back. His heart had been warmed by her smile only briefly, and now that she was no longer looking, his demons had taken the opportunity to attack his uncertainties.

How he wished he had an actual mission to do right now. That would take his mind off of things.

Contrary to public beliefs, _yes_ , he _was_ still a ninja, even though he wasn't living close to the head office anymore. Something like that couldn't just be changed, even if the Hokage truly wished for it to happen, and even though his case probably _should_ have been an exception, as it was so serious, it was nonetheless still a known fact that Kakashi Hatake was needed as a shinobi in the Leaf. They couldn't afford to trash a jounin, and despite the Hokage's reluctance, he had also agreed that Kakashi was certainly needed; if only for the higher ranked missions. The only real difference was that he now operated from a much different location. Other than that, and, perhaps the fact that he hardly spoke to his so called comrades very much at all anymore, nothing had really changed.

For further clarification, it would be true to say that Kakashi hadn't spoken to, say, _Kurenai_ outside of work even _once_ during these two long years. It was the same for Asuma, even though he had once been a good friend, and even Might Gai, despite the fact that it was _impossible_ to get _completely_ rid of him.

Anyway, it had taken two years, but Kakashi was now secluded from the outside world of foolish busybodies, just as the Hokage wished. He was getting the peace and quiet that he needed to mull things over with himself; to confront his demons, and hopefully, to one day overcome them.

But still, he felt no relief.

Iris at least _distracted_ him from the pain that ate at his soul - truly, even just seeing a glimpse of her considerably lifted his spirits in seconds - but the minute she was gone, the monster inside of him came back. It taunted him until he lost control, and self hatred entirely consumed him, even to a point where there was really nothing left of his old self anymore. The darkness would take over, and he would feel nothing but pain. Nothing but misery, and nothing but every other emotion than the one he was supposed to regain by being here; happiness. The emotion he felt whenever he was with her.

That was why he liked to be near her. She made him forget what he really was.

Iris made him feel like he was actually... _human_.

Even still, it seemed that the longer he stayed in her company, the more it hurt when she left. Once she was gone, the demons would strike, and if it seemed like he had been having too much fun, they would punish him for it, like the depressing truth had socked him in the stomach with an iron fist. They reminded him of the fact that she was not always going to be there. That one day, he would wake up and have nothing to live for, and that they were waiting for that day eagerly, so they could finally devour him completely.

To be honest, Kakashi was terrified, and he almost thought that spending time with her wasn't worth the pain that came after, but despite the obvious consequences, Kakashi still loved spending time with her. He'd help her tend to her garden, just because he wanted to be near her, and often they'd eat the majority of the week's meals together. He was always smiling, whenever she was there, and she would readily return the gesture with one of her own; making him forget, at least for a time, about what was to happen after she left his side, and he was alone with his demons once more. One could even say, from an outsider's perspective, that they were the perfect neighbors.

But deep inside, Kakashi wished they were more.

Silently, he'd once expressed the idea that if, perhaps, she never left his side, he'd never feel so awful ever again. That maybe - just _maybe_ \- if he could convince her of his pure feelings, there was a chance that she would return them, and he could do more than just stick to her side. Perhaps, he could kiss her. Perhaps, he could run his hands all over her skin - the notion in his mind that she would never leave him there all the while. _Perhaps_...Their love could drive his demons out for good.

Unfortunately, even though it may have been foolish, that idea stuck with him, and constantly, Kakashi would have to try to ignore the feeling that tugged at his chest, tempting him to sweep her off her feet and hold her close so as to never let go again. He would have to quell and silence his own feelings, due to his own fear of rejection, and his demons became accustomed to making fun of him for it, even though he knew deep inside that there was no reason to be ashamed of his own feelings.

He loved her. He had loved her for two years. There was no doubt about it, and he wanted desperately to tell her; to tell the world. However, the bigger part of him believed that he didn't deserve the happiness that would come with loving someone again. He wasn't worthy of someone like Iris. She was too perfect.

In fact, she was the first woman Kakashi had ever actually enjoyed spending time with. Kurenai and Anko were fine, of course, but wasting the day away with them in the blistering heat did not send a chill down his spine such as it did with Iris. The act of talking with them, even if only in regards to a mission, did not send his heart racing to the point of explosion. Truly, Iris was special, and he intended to show her that, even if he didn't have the courage to reveal everything.

Someday, he would repay her for all that she had given him. Even if it was impossible to do so, he would do anything to return her kindness, and as for whether or not she knew the exact depth of just that - as for whether or not she knew of his true feeling for her - he didn't care.

As long as she was aware that he was grateful for her presence, it would be enough to satisfy him. As long as she knew that he couldn't live without her, and that he had cherished every single minute he had spent living across from her for the past two years.

He had decided. Someday, when the time was right, he would tell her that.

And even if he didn't express it openly, he also planned to never let go of the friendship they shared, e _ven_ if his own feelings should get in the way.


	3. 2 Cause I Know that you Feel me Somehow

Despite the foolishness that many citizens of Konoha had called her on, Iris had given each flower a name, and she remembered them all.

There was a specific place for every single plant in that flower patch, and Iris took care of those flowers as if they were her own children.

So when Kakashi came over and asked if he could have one, she was a bit reluctant.

She trusted her lazy scarecrow of a neighbor with all of her heart, but when dealing with her little babies…

"Please?"

Iris knew Kakashi would never mistreat one of her children, but she couldn't just let go of them. To her, these really were just like humans.

And though they couldn't talk or run around, she knew what they felt. She could feel their spirits laughing.

Her plants loved her just as much as she loved them.

"Kakashi, you know I'd give you anything, but this is-"

"I know, I know," He answered quickly, gesturing wildly with his hands. "But if you could at least think about it? I'd take care of it."

His face was hopeful, like a child asking for just one more cookie out of the jar.

Indeed, she _would_ think about it, but something told her that the answer would eternally stay the same.

She couldn't give up her flowers.

"I can promise you that I'll consider it, at least," She told him.

Immediately, his face lit up and he smiled, causing Iris to return with a grin herself. He was just so adorable, even for a grown man.

"Thank you!"

They were the same age, a steady 25, but often she felt that she was twice as old as him. It was odd, yet calming. He dwarfed her in height, yet _she_ was the big sister.

Iris smiled again and stuck out her hand for her friend to grab. "Want to help me water them?"

As she expected, he nodded, and wrapped his slender fingers around her glove-covered ones.

"Where do I start?" He asked jokingly.

Iris and Kakashi had a system for watering her flowers. He took the right side, and she took the left; her, still using her rusty watering can, and Kakashi with a few reliable water jutsus.

With him there, Iris would get the job done twice as fast. But there _was_ a catch, so she refrained from asking him to do this very often.

Basically, her plants got a bit upset when it was not specifically _her_ watering them.

No, they didn't go on a rampage and cover the whole block with thorny vines, but their spirits called out to her as she slept. Often on days like this, she'd have to go out at night to sing to them.

And _that_ caused her to be very sluggish the next morning, and wish for Kakashi to help her again.

It was a never ending cycle.

Needless to say, she didn't allow herself to indulge on the lack of work for more than a day. If she did, her entire schedule would become muddled, and she could no longer function without naps throughout the day that she couldn't afford.

It was the worst during the summer, as it was now.

The heat and extra watering caused her to wish for help even more so than usual, even if she didn't express it out in the open.

If she slacked on her work now, she'd turn into a zombie.

Three full waterings a day in the smoldering heat, along with her late shifts of work, could not be added to a singing session every night. That would leave her with four, maybe five hours of sleep every night.

And though she _was_ the type that could keep going with just that, Iris didn't want to make it a habit.

Once she got tired, she found it harder and harder to smile in front of Kakashi and the neighboring cities' villagers that often came to visit her.

If they noticed that she was in such a state every day, just as they thought she was, they'd take her plants away from her.

Iris couldn't let that happen.

If nothing else, Iris would just have to go without any help from Kakashi at all. Once every week or so didn't hurt her - it merely caused a slight dip in her schedule - but lately, he seemed more eager to assist her.

No, he wasn't being a pest. She was truly grateful to have such a neighbor. But Iris couldn't deny that it would be troublesome to refuse the help.

It would seem like she didn't like him, and that would be a problem.

Honestly, she considered him her best friend. Here and there she felt the desire to hug him longer than she should, but he was still just her friend.

And she couldn't hurt the feelings of a friend, especially if it was _this_ friend.

Iris had always been very concerned about the feelings of her seemingly careless neighbor. Sure, he looked fine and dandy on the outside, but the back of that man as he walked away always had the posture of a dead man.

He was defeated inside, and she didn't even know why.

When Kakashi first moved into the house across from hers two years ago, he was nothing more than an irritated and arrogant container of a man that felt nothing but anger.

He pushed the other neighbors away, and honestly, reminded her of a certain Uchiha that she once knew. But that was a story for another time.

Kakashi in fact, irritated her because he was so irritated.

And...Iris _may_ have marched over to his house to tell him a thing or two about manners, which apparently, he listened to.

Kakashi apologized to the few other neighbors that they had, and began making frequented visits to her house.

Not that she minded.

Gradually, the annoyance with him disappeared until there was nothing left. Except friendship of course.

Neither of them really spoke about it, but inside, they both knew that the person across from them was someone they should never let go of.

And they hadn't, as of yet.

Kakashi and Iris talked every day about anything and everything, for they were the best of friends.

And needless to say, she loved him just as much as she loved her plants.

...Perhaps not quite as much as he loved _her_ , but it was pretty darn close.

Those two would fight to stay with each other.

And even if they weren't necessarily as close as each secretly wished, they would be content.

For a best friend was something that everyone needed.


	4. 3 You're the Closest to Heaven

"But Iris…"

"No, Kakashi. You need to start eating better."

Currently the two neighbors sat at the table in Iris's kitchen.

She had dragged him inside moments after they finished watering her plants, and then insisted that he stayed for dinner. Which _normally_ would have been fine; heavenly even.

Kakashi loved her cooking, and even if it was something he didn't normally like, he'd enjoy it, just because it was _her_ that prepared it.

But that was before she pulled out her herb jars.

Iris had in fact, been trying to feed him straight leaves for the past 20 minutes, and _that_ was something he couldn't handle.

The only thing he disliked more than arriving early was eating vegetables.

"Come on! You just have to-" Her voice was cut off as Kakashi quickly stood up and made a dash for the living room, which was an action she quickly followed, still carrying a handful of greens.

"Kakashi! Seriously, if you don't eat these I'm going to call the Hokage!" Iris threatened. Kakashi ignored her, adding chakra to his feet as he scaled the room's wall.

He had to weave between portraits, since Iris owned a boatload of flower profiles, but eventually he made it to the ceiling - at which point he sat down and rather childishly turned away from her.

Iris scoffed.

"How old are you again?" She asked, exasperated.

"..."

"Oh, so now you're not even going to answer me?"

Kakashi mentally sighed. He wanted to keep silent _so_ bad, but to do so would risk Iris getting _really_ angry at him. And that was something he never wanted to happen.

Not again, anyway.

"Okay, okay fine. I'll eat them," He proclaimed after another moment of silence.

Iris cheered and gestured wildly with her hands for him to come back down.

"I knew you couldn't resist the sweet allure of my herbs."

Indeed, her herbs _were_ very sweet. She had raised every single leaf with care since they were seeds, and often their other neighbors would ask for samples of them; if that counted as a recognition of how delicious they were.

And, Kakashi _would_ be doing the same as well - if he was born with a taste for them - had he not been getting what you might call, _special_ treatment.

He didn't even have to ask to receive.

Iris would shove a handful in his mouth, and that would be it. No questions asked, and no answers given, for as he said, his mouth would be too full.

Kakashi sighed. He had gotten himself involved with a very difficult woman, but that didn't stop him from falling even deeper in love every time he saw her.

Iris was simply infatuating, and he couldn't stop the smile that was beginning to form on his mask-covered face.

 _This would be fun._

"Hey Iris, I never said I'd eat them _right_ now," He told her, pretending to have thought this plan through. "I have a few... _conditions_."

She looked at him quizzically; halfway done serving the herbs on side plates next to the main dishes of leftover omelets that she had warmed up.

"And what are those _conditions_ , exactly?" She asked, copying his emphasis on the word 'conditions'. Even Iris, who knew him better than anyone, had no idea what he was trying to accomplish.

Kakashi could already feel his smile quickly turning into a smirk, and though Iris could only see the outline of his lips through his mask, he could tell that she had noticed his change in attitude.

She backed up slowly. "What are you planning…?"

And all she could do was scream as he took off towards her.

"Kakashi, what the-"

For the second time that day, Iris's words were cut off by the man that considered her to be the most important person in his life.

But it was the _first_ time, that day, and in all the two years that they had known each other, that Kakashi had tickled her.

She squealed - a pleasant sound to Kakashi's ears - as he ran his fingers like a swift spider in the crook of her neck. His hands danced all around her neck, and all the while she pleaded with him to stop, laughing as if she was a maniac.

"K-Kakashi!" She wailed. "Come on, I think I heard someone knocking at the door!"

He shook his head, along with his pointer finger as he reprimanded her teasingly. "Liars get double the punishment!"

Neither of them paid any mind to the fact that they had fallen to the floor; and even Iris didn't care that their meal was getting cold.

After all, she had warmed it up once, so couldn't she just warm it up again?

10 short minutes had passed when Kakashi paused, - fully planning to launch into another tickling attack - when he _did_ actually hear someone knocking.

The sound resounded through her house loudly, as if a woodpecker was pounding at Kakashi's brain; telling him his fun was over.

"Oh," Was all he could say, after realizing that he had probably kept said 'woodpecker' waiting.

"Told you so," Murmured Iris as she stood up after him.

Instantly he shot her a warning look, as if to say, 'Do you want to get punished again?' causing her to squeak and him to chuckle.

Kakashi was - for the most part - only kidding.

"I'll get it," He told her, still smiling as he strode over to the wooden door adjourned with carved roses. Iris's handiwork, no doubt. No one could deny that she was good with her hands.

Slowly, he twisted the golden colored knob and swung the door inwards, inviting in a wave of blistering heat.

And after seeing who was there, Kakashi could barely manage to keep up his smile. There on the porch, standing ever so impatiently, was their distant neighbor, Margo.

She was a sturdily built and single woman, who looked a decade older than her true age. (An age which everyone secretly knew, but would never admit for fear of being reprimanded, of course).

Margo would often visit Iris, according to what she told Kakashi. Something about 'her needing to check up on her well-being' or something.

 _Like she actually cared._

"Margo, what a surprise!" He said, faking hospitality. "I never would have expected to see you here."

"Nor would I, you," She told him suspiciously, turning her nose upward as if she was sniffing out Iris's location. "Why are _you_ here?"

Kakashi bit his tongue in an attempt to _not_ lash out with a kunai and kill her where she stood.

 _It would be_ so _easy. She wasn't a ninja, and he could call an Anbu to dispose of the body without anyone knowing…_

"Iris, Dear! _There_ you are!" She cried, brushing past Kakashi; practically flinging him into the porch fence.

"Margo, how nice to see you!" Iris answered.

Honestly, Kakashi couldn't tell if Iris was being sincere or not. She was a good actor… And surely she didn't actually enjoy this woman's presence?

But she sounded so genuinely happy to see her...

"Darling, how have you been? I'm sure you'll be happy to know that I squashed a fly that was buzzing around inside your house."

...Was she referring to Kakashi Hatake, the Copycat Ninja, as a _fly_?

"I'm absolutely sure he won't be bothering you again anytime soon," She informed Iris, heavily hinting at the fact that she wanted Kakashi gone.

And Iris picked up on it just as well as Kakashi did.

"Margo, why don't you go into the kitchen?" Iris asked. "I've got a meal already out on the table, if you'd join me."

"Why of course, Darling!" Margo burst out, walking briskly to the kitchen, which apparently she knew the way to.

"I'll just be...one moment."

Iris stepped out onto the porch, closing the door behind her as she joined Kakashi.

"I'm sorry," She said quietly. "I had no idea she would be coming over today. I thought it would just be the two of us…"

She trailed off, looking towards Kakashi for the recognition he wasn't going to give her.

"Kakashi, I said I was sorry."

He grunted and turned his head even farther away from her; just as he had done in the living room.

He was sick of being treated like that. And he was sick of Iris being kind to everyone.

When would she stick up for _him_ , and only him?

When would she see how much he needed her to care for him?

He waved halfheartedly and made his way down the steps, and as an afterthought, he pointedly said, "Have fun with your...friend. I'll be taking my leave."

Iris made no move to follow him, and said nothing as stepped back inside her house.

The situation could not have been any more intense, but as Kakashi heard the soft thump of door shutting, he allowed his eyes to wander back to her house; back to his paradise; his heaven.

Just as he expected, as soon as she was gone, the pain came back.

And this time it was worse than ever.

Kakashi clutched his hair with both hands as he made his way across the street to his own house, swaying and wobbling as if he were drunk.

Only one thought reverberated in his mind as he walked, just as if there was a thunderous storm gathering overhead.

 _He would still love her, even if he was so angry that he wanted to kill something._

And no matter how much pain Kakashi would go through because of his feelings, there was _nothing_ he could do to stop it.

He needed that woman in his life; so much that he couldn't bear to be without her, even for a moment.

He loved her _**so**_ much.

...With one last look at her house, and the loudest sigh he had ever uttered, Kakashi continued walking to his house.

A place where no one would be waiting for him.


	5. 4 And I don't Wanna go Home Right Now

Iris twiddled her thumbs restlessly as she waited, sitting on a stool near the entrance, where she would be ready to seat anyone that walked through the restaurant doors. Whether it be a full family, a single child, a man, or a woman, Iris would be ready.

She was expected to be ready.

It was 7:30; the sun had just gone down, and Iris had started her shift, currently working as an _additional helper_ during the busiest, and later hours at a restaurant on the outskirts of Konoha.

...Said restaurant was nameless, and utterly boring in _her_ mind, but undeniably popular to everyone else who lived near it. Everyone who was anyone ate there frequently, and during the _day_ , one would find many a kind person lingering past the noon buffet to thank the workers for their service. Such customers were a treat, and a very refreshing twist to a stressful life.

But the problem with that was: Iris didn't actually work during the day.

With her current schedule, the only hours she could manage were the odd ones; the hours that often shifted, depending on the amount of customers that day. Specific to Iris, these hours ranged anywhere from 5:00 to 11:00 P.M, when the restaurant closed. And, during the bulk of _her_ shift, Iris was lumped with the riff raff, not the kind wellwishers.

For example, often, such people eating - or drinking - there, did not leave very quietly. Iris had had to literally _drag_ lasting drunkards out the front doors on multiple occasions; which was not _anywhere_ in her job description. No one had told her that working as a waitress could be so irritating. It wasn't fair.

...Yet it was _still_ all she had.

Iris had - for first few years of living alone - tried selling her herbs to the hospitals deep in the city of Konoha, attempting to make money in her own respect. But that operation did not result in anything even _close_ to a gold mine, and she had gone spiraling into a world of debt.

If she was to support herself _and_ her parents, she would have to do better. Much better.

No, she did not discontinue her little herb business, but there had been no denying that she needed to make money from something else. She couldn't live off of that funding, and nor could her parents, especially if there was growing debt to pay off.

Iris had searched for a new job, endlessly, for months - feeling as if there was no hope - until she one day stumbled upon a restaurant, that even then, she did not know the name of. It was as inviting as any of the other establishments she had visited in those times, (which was to say, _not at all_ ) but to her surprise, she was welcomed in, and given a job immediately.

...Though waitressing was undeniably minimum wage work, it was just what she needed to boost her income. With a weekly, though small, intake from the hospital, along with working at the restaurant, Iris was able to keep a good head on her shoulders. She paid off her debts within that same year, and her parents had never had to find out about any of it; for she couldn't worry _them_ with her silly problems.

Her parents had done their part. They had raised her perfectly, and supplied her with enough hope and love to make it through _three_ lifetimes. So, no, Iris would not be worrying them anytime soon. They had dealt with enough, and even if Iris was juggling a few too many occupations that she couldn't _fully_ handle, she would refuse to trouble them.

Not again, anyway.

Iris sighed, bringing a hand to her head, and running her fingers through her loose, dark hair.

Even if she could hide it from her parents, Iris herself knew all about the troubles she faced. Too often, she came home feeling overwhelmed and overworked, knowing that there was _nothing_ she could do to fix her inevitable fate. _This_ was the kind of life she would have to live for all the years to come. _This_ was all there was for her in this world.

...And just as they all had told her, she was _never_ going to make a living by tending to a bunch of stupid flowers.

"Just coffee, please."

"Sure," Iris replied politely, smiling as she poured the man's desired drink.

An hour and a half had passed since her little episode of melancholy, and a young man just shy of 20 had entered the restaurant.

He sat in a far, secluded corner, giving him not even a glimpse of the bar, where she had expected him to immediately run to. It was a pleasant surprise - not having to serve another drunk - but it left her wondering about the man she was pouring a drink for.

His form had been tall, and rather toned while he had been standing, but now seemed to be much smaller as he sat in a pastel colored and cushioned booth, sipping from a steaming mug. His eyes were bright and inviting; a soft blue that Iris could get used to, and his hair was shockingly blonde, as if he had dyed it to be so eye catching. He was constantly grinning, and Iris found it be a _very_ nice change of pace, for somewhere in the past hour or so, her mind had drifted back to the incident with Kakashi.

Sighing - as she seemed to be doing very often lately - Iris allowed a few thoughts of her disheveled neighbor to run through her head again.

...His back had been just like she remembered it at that time; defeated, hopeless, _lifeless_ even, as he walked away, and it had taken all the strength she had not to burst into tears as she heard the click of the door shutting. It was like _she_ was turning her back on him, and not the other way around.

Iris knew deep in her heart that Kakashi needed someone to be there for him, but she had literally _no_ idea what to do. Should she wrap her arms around him and tell him that everything would be fine? Or should she say nothing, and simply give him space?

She didn't know what he needed, and he wouldn't be telling her. He was the type that kept such things to himself, and for the first time in a long while, Iris wished that Kakashi was different.

If he was more open about his feelings, she wouldn't be left guessing like this. She would know what to do by now, after two years, and they could work through whatever problem he was having _together_. Iris had always known that the Hokage had ordered him to relocate for a reason, and now, more than ever, she longed to know what it was. She only wanted to help her neighbor, her friend; the man she trusted more than anyone. She only wanted to help Kakashi.

...Yet he so often shrugged off her attempts at doing so.

They didn't often mention it, but Iris had tried to get information out of him on many occasions, especially in the first year she had known him. Later, she had grown to respect his choice of silence, but again, she now wished for the same information she had wanted back then.

 _Why was his spirit so wasted?_

And more importantly, why-

"Miss! The coffee!"

...Iris was instantly brought back to reality as she felt the hot sting of the molten liquid scald the back of her hand, and she whelped needlessly as she hastily stopped the flow still coming from the pot. _Apparently_ , something very important had been forgotten.

"Ow, ow, ow," her strained voice muttered painfully as she shook her hand.

The man stood, repeatedly asking if she was alright and offering her his napkin; fretting over this and that, looking from side to side in an attempt to find something to busy himself with. Iris was grateful for his concern, but this didn't seem to be his cup of tea.

Or cup of _coffee_ , for that matter.

"I'm fine," she assured him, accepting the napkin, and wiping furiously at her spoiled sleeve. She couldn't afford to buy another uniform set, but perhaps if she got this one decently clean now, she'd be able to wash out the rest…

"Are you sure?" the man asked nervously, hesitating to sit down, as if she would snap at him for no longer being worried.

She replied simply with, "Positive," and winked at him, before she went back to scrubbing, thinking about how stupid it was of her to get so distracted by her thoughts.

 _How could she had completely forgotten about what she was doing?_

Stupid Kakashi, making her worry so much.

Stupid, _stupid_ , Kakashi.

...The man eventually sat down, sighing, as he rustled the tablecloth to check for any stains. Luckily, there was only a single blotch, for most of it had gone from her hand to his plate. Sighing as well, Iris stopped her attempt at saving the shirt and began collecting his silverware, mug, napkin, and plate, with a promise that she would return with new ones shortly.

"I...apologize for my actions," she told him quietly, just before she left. "There are just...a lot of things on my mind right now." Her feet padded along the floor quietly as she made her way back to the kitchen, and upon reaching her destination, she slumped to the floor.

...In truth, Iris longed to cry. She wanted to cry for her injured hand, for herself and how awful her life was, and for Kakashi; for _her_ being the only person that could help him. He deserved so much better, and her parents deserved a better child that Iris.

The people of the village were all wrong. She wasn't as perfect as they thought she was. She wasn't a princess that deserved only the highest treatment.

Iris was barely managing to survive.

...Stubbornly, she refused to allow herself to succum to the tears, but in her mind, she condemned her entire existence for what it was: _worthless_ , and her mental state was in tatters, just as if salty tears _were_ running down her cheeks. She was an idiot for letting Kakashi walk away, in pain. She was an idiot for thinking that someone like her could make a difference in his life.

 _She was an idiot for believing in herself._

Now, she couldn't even bear the thought of returning home, for when she did, she would pass Kakashi's house. Surely then, she would catch a glimpse of him somehow, and she would cry, even if she wouldn't let herself right now.

 _Just seeing him would be enough._

 _Just knowing that he was inside, drowning himself in his sorrows, alcohol, or both - was enough._

Iris had broken Kakashi even further by closing that door. She had killed what little spirit he had left.

It was all her fault.

Kakashi wasn't the stupid one. She was. Iris was the idiot that broke her best friend.

...And surely, even if she tried her hardest, there would be no fixing him.


	6. 5 And All I can Taste is This Moment

Kakashi lied on his now dirtied carpet, growling at himself for being so pathetic, yet never considering actually raising himself up from the floor.

He had been standing some time ago, but now, he could hardly even remember how many minutes had passed since then, or how many hours, for that matter. All Kakashi knew, at this point, was that he had fallen to the ground. And the bottle of sake he had been drinking had come down with him.

...Time and time again, he had convinced his brain that he wouldn't let himself succumb to his own darkness anymore. He would never let himself sink to such a point, where he felt like there was no return. He was on this mission to get _rid_ of those feelings, yet, here he was; lying in a puddle of spilled alcohol, too wasted to even dampen a towel to clean it.

His once gravity-defying hair was now flopped over on one side, half of it under his head, and the other half stuck to the side of his face, dripping with a substance that was _probably_ sake.

 _How he hoped it was only sake._

Kakashi moaned, muttering curses that only left his mouth at times like these. His head was hurting beyond recognition, and his mind was in tatters, as if someone had set fire to his entire being. And, at this point, he wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or his own darkness making him feel this way.

With another growl that came from the back of his throat, he realized that it was probably both. Yes, his body had always reacted similar to this when dealing with his inner-self, but tonight, he was so drunk that he couldn't even tell whether he was lying on his right or left side. Obviously, after drinking _that_ much, there would be painful consequences.

 _The alcohol only made it worse. He should have remembered that._

As Kakashi once again spewed profanities at himself in the depths of his mind for being such an idiot, an old habit of swearing he thought he had long since gotten over came back with screaming intensity. He had quit when he first moved here; when he had moved to a place that was supposed to change him into a new person, but obviously, even that fact didn't stop his true personality from leaking through.

He could never run away from the evil that was inside of him. One way or another, it would always come back, especially like this, in his moments of weakness. All Kakashi could do, at this point, was wait it out, and hope the pain would go away by morning.

...As he glanced up through the window and saw the night sky, the world seemed to sway to a sickeningly sweet rhythm. The position he was in had made it look odd from the beginning, since the wall under the glass covered most of his vision, but there was also the undeniable presence of alcoholic influence as he saw the moon shiver. It shimmered brilliantly with the stars, dancing about the sky, and then finally jumped; plummeting towards the earth, and ultimately towards him.

Within seconds, it looked as if it would come crashing through his window at any moment, but after Kakashi blinked and shook his head, there it was again, sitting up there amongst the constellations as if it had never moved.

Which it hadn't.

With another curse, and a very loud sigh, Kakashi let his fists clench up as he went over the regret he was feeling. He had known what would happen, and he was an idiot for not listening to reason, but that didn't change the fact that he was already drunk. The demonic pain that he felt only intensified with every shot, but he had continued anyway, skipping happily in a land of distant, and short-lived bliss.

Now, as it was too late to change anything, he was sprawled out on the ground without the courage to stand, silently listing off all of his faults, and confirming that he was a danger to society; and also realizing that that would be his title if the public ever found out about him.

 _...The public…_

Thinking of his neighbors, he clutched at his head with trembling fingers, dragging his hands through his hair in an attempt to make himself look presentable.

One of them could come over at any time, and to see him like this would no doubt get him sent straight to the Hokage. He couldn't face that man in his current state, even if he was the one who arranged all this. He knew about Kakashi's pain, more than anyone else, but he was still the Hokage. Kakashi couldn't lump such an esteemed man with his petty problems.

No, Kakashi could definitely deal with this. It didn't matter that he had fought with Iris before, he would just have to-

 _...Iris._

Suddenly, the pain in his head doubled, and his previous words fell short.

She didn't feel the same way for him, did she? That was why she had closed the door on him. That was why…That was why their relationship was still stuck at a mere friendship, though he wanted it to be so much more. She just didn't love him, like he loved her, and that simple thought sent him spiraling into a world of incomparable agony.

Frankly, it made him terrified to think that he would have to face her again. It would be suspicious of him, if he suddenly ignored her, but Kakashi wasn't sure if he even had the strength to stand on his own two feet in front of her. Surely, even if she did something as simple as smiling at him, his resolve would break, and he wouldn't be able to control his feelings.

...And if Iris didn't love _him_ , he didn't want her to know that he felt that way about her. If she did, most certainly, she would refuse to talk to him, and he would destroy the only relationship he had with her; even if it was only at this level.

Just being next to her had been enough, and it still should have been, but if he couldn't face her at all...Kakashi had _nothing_.

His best friends, his sensei, his family...they were all dead and gone, and he had pushed away the only other acquaintances he had obtained. Iris, at this point, was quite literally, all he had.

If he lost her…

No, he _couldn't_ lose her.

With a burst of newfound confidence, he rolled from his side to his back, just narrowly missing the broken shards of his sake bottle. With a swaying hand, he clenched the front of his undershirt, approximately where his heart would be, and then raised it to the ceiling, attempting to catch hold of the life that was slipping through his grasp.

If he tried now, perhaps it wouldn't yet be too late. He could still finish this mission. He could still hold on to his sanity; he could still love again.

As he sighed, bringing his hand back down to rest at his side, a dark mass soon began to make its way into his eyes, and as he stared up at the ceiling, even with the light from the moon illuminated it, he could barely make out the shapes of the room's countless objects.

His demons were calling him back to sleep, and it seemed that this time, it would be a long one. Kakashi would not be able to awaken for a very long time, and during the space when he was unconscious, the nightmares of his past would revisit him again.

He would remember them just as vividly as when they had first happened; and he would see the deaths of his friends, one after another. And with his current state - one that was more vulnerable than usual, because of the obscene amount of alcohol in his system - they would be just that much more painful.

...As he slipped into the darkness, Kakashi knew that there was nothing he could do to fight it, so he let himself slither down the path without struggle.

At this point, his inner self would usually take over, and he would find his legs moving without his consent towards the cave that Rin had been trapped in.

But for some reason, that wasn't happening.

Kakashi didn't allow it to bother him, for he had anticipated it to be slightly different because of how much more miserable he was than usual, but after minutes of him still standing still and looking off into the blankness of his dream-landscape, he began to question the power of this nightmare.

 _Was this all he was getting? Was this really the horrible experience that his demons had envisioned?_

...And then suddenly, just as he was about to drift away into a peaceful sleep for once, a soft melodic sound graced his ears.

Instantly, he found that the texture of the noise bothered him, as if it were the embodiment of a sparkle, and his eyes mysteriously shot open, yet couldn't quite see yet. The sound was high pitched, yet not squeaky, and brought forth the word, _twinkling,_ from the depths of Kakashi's brain. One might also describe it as the sound of a million shining stars, or the swirl of a magic spell cast in the dead of night.

The dark, foreboding clouds of his inner self withdrew slightly.

...At first, the sound was so quiet that he had to concentrate with all of his being to hear it, but after a few seconds, the volume grew louder, until it was almost as if the song was being sung from inside his brain. With some struggle, due to his wavering consciousness, he made out a few words of it, all with ranging dynamics in a rising and falling pattern.

" _Haru ni, saku hana…"_

Kakashi's ears were perked sideways in the direction of the noise, but as he rose groggily and made his way over to the window, he was surprised to note that there was no one to be found. Perhaps he shouldn't have been relying on his eyes at all, at this point, but it still didn't stop him from questioning if the sound was real; from questioning if he was still just on the _borderline_ of insanity.

For a few moments, Kakashi _panicked_ , even - though that may be too strong a word - and his drunken mind raced as he considered all of the possibilities; his legs struggling to hold his weight.

Maybe this song _was_ only in his head. Maybe this _was_ some sick fantasy that his demons had created just to spite him; just to get him to hope again, only to find nothing waiting for him in return.

No matter how much he tried to deny it, he _was_ heavily drunk enough that that wouldn't be out of the question…But still, it had never happened to him before. And the sound felt so _real_...

With a hand that shook slightly, he placed his slender, almost uncontrollable fingers on the rough wooden doorknob, and with a sharp intake of air, twisted it to the left. Slowly, and almost _too_ cautiously, he pulled the door inwards as he stepped around it to make his way outside.

 _Kakashi hadn't been outside his home since...since...Iris…_

Now, as he was out in the open, the strange, yet beautiful voice grew hauntingly louder, as if it were calling him to the origin's location.

" _Natsu hirogaru sora yo…"_

Interestingly enough, it sounded mysteriously familiar. Perhaps not the song itself, but the voice... It was… _calming_ , like he was used to hearing it; like he had made a habit of hearing it because he liked it so much.

" _Kokoro no naka ni…Kizamarete kirameku…"_

Kakashi even found himself being so drawn to it that his feet moved on their own, without his brain commanding them to do so. One after another, they strutted across his lawn, and for whatever reason, began to make their way over to Iris's house, though at that moment, Kakashi was not thinking of any possibility relating to his neighbor. All he could think about was the stunning voice that grew increasingly more incredible with every step he took.

The feel of it, which had originally sounded like something out of a fairy tale while inside his house, now steadily changed into a sweet melody of longing; of hope. Kakashi soon realized that the song was almost connecting with his spirit, the closer he got. It felt what he felt, and he felt what it felt. They seemed to have similar struggles, similar problems, and he soon found himself itching to join the voice in song himself, in an attempt to become closer with this mysterious force.

Instead of being lulled to sleep with the magical aspect that tickled his soul, the intensity of it instead kept him awake, and though it did not disappear, the presence of his demons, along with his pounding headache, subsided. Suddenly, because of this strange song, he was not so miserable anymore. The world was now clearer, and the gloomy fog that covered his brain and tugged at the edge of his vision dissipated.

" _Asa ni, furu ame...mado wo tozazu hi ni mo…"_

As he walked, he found himself circling behind Iris's home, and as he did, the voice grew louder; stronger.

" _Mune ni, afureru...hikari wa kumo no ue…"_

Kakashi before long came upon a garden, filled with flowers that were all standing tall, and looking as lively as ever, even though it was night. They seemed to sway with the wind, as if dancing to the peculiar yet beautiful song.

His eyes moved up from the ground, and there, they found the owner of the voice.

In his sights, only a stone's throw away, stood Iris, looking more beautiful than he had ever seen her; singing to her plants. And no assortment of words in this entire universe could ever explain his surprise.

A simple white nightgown billowed about her in the wind, and as he watched, her dark hair began to be tousled in roughly the same fashion. She stood in the center of the moon's rays, and her face was made completely visible, even to _his_ eyes, in the dead of night.

A sharp pang of melancholy ran through his system as some of the wisps were blown onto her cheeks, where they stayed for seconds at a time, making her smile; as if even her hair was begging her to remember earlier that day, when Kakashi had tickled her.

 _The wind could please her, but he could not…_

Yet, even his dampened thoughts did not take away from her beauty. She stood like an angel in the night, with a voice that could easily equal that of a goddess, shining as brilliantly as the mysterious moon that cast light onto her as she sang.

...And in that instant, Kakashi fell even deeper in love with his neighbor.

He loved her smile, her dedication, and her open-mind. He loved her light filled eyes, and the beautiful laugh she had produced as he tickled her. He loved her bright and inviting personality, her little pink toes that were always stained green by the grass, and he loved the way she got excited every year when there were new plants to put in her garden.

And now, he knew for certain that he also loved her voice.

In his mind, at this point, there was just no denying it. Kakashi loved _everything_ about the woman named Iris. Everything.

Even though she had shut that door, he loved her. Even though she constantly made him endure for her own sake, he loved her.

Kakashi Hatake, top Jounin of the Leaf Village, had fallen in love while on official leave, and there was nothing he, or anyone, could do about it.

" _Yorokobi kanashimi...subete, daite aruiteiru…"_

As the song reached its chorus, the volume grew louder again, and the soft twists and turns of her voice wavered in such a way that made him instinctively reach out for her.

Briefly, with his arm raised, though not awkwardly, Kakashi entertained the thought of Iris catching him watching her, but just as quickly, it was dismissed. Honestly, right now, he didn't really care. She _could_ see him there, for all he was concerned.

She could have that adorable look of confusion, with an open mouth and furrowed eyebrows, cross her face.

 _Kakashi just didn't care anymore._

" _Watashi no te to kimi, no te wo, tsuyoku tsunagu...mono…"_

Iris's voice trailed off, but Kakashi could still hear the echo of it weaving through his brain, and he was sure, more than anything else at that moment, that this song, and this experience, was something he would never forget.

Even if he went home now, and his headache came back, he would be content with having heard her tonight. Her voice had saved him, even if only briefly, and it only proved the theory that Iris was the only one able to calm him when his inner-self took over.

Truly, she was the only woman, the only person, that could ever do that for him.

And though things were currently tense between them, this moment was enough reminder for him to hold on. This _moment_ was why he had tried in the first place.

Iris was the only one who could ever rescue him from the darkness.

...And as Kakashi sped off into the night back to his house, the only thing he could think of was her.

(AN: The song used was from the anime Kobato, which I do not own).


	7. 6 And All I can Breathe is Your Life

"Darling, that dress looks wonderful on you!"

Currently, Iris sat at her kitchen table; chatting idly with Margo as if she didn't have a care in the world.

...Truthfully, yes, Iris _did_ have many cares and concerns at that very moment, but when she was with _her_ \- a woman so pleased with information that she would spread even the smallest inkling of gossip - she had to keep her face void of any worrisome emotions; lest Margo would attack her with a barrage of unavoidable questions.

Right now, Iris had to be extremely careful.

"And how did work go for you, Sweetie? You look _exhausted_."

Truly, after yesterday's events, she could hardly manage to keep her true feelings hidden.

"It was fine," Iris answered politely; forcing her scowl to shrink back away from her face.

See, quickly after her little 'saddened almost to the point of tears' episode, Iris had returned with new supplies for the blonde man that sat in the secluded corner.

Still a little flustered, she then began stuttering as she spoke with him, and little by little, he seemed to be getting annoyed with her suddenly timid attitude. To say the least, he became more distant with her, after that. Gradually, his smile disappeared, and Iris was met with the judgmental look of a man that she had failed to please; a look that she knew all too well.

It was strange, however, that _this_ man was just like the people of her past. Iris never would have guessed that he would act so distasteful, after she had already confirmed that he was a nice and inviting man. His eyes had been so... _hopeful_ at first, and Iris had been led to believe that he was different.

Perhaps it was just the constant thoughts of Kakashi that had clouded her vision and judgment.

...Anyway, it might have also been a good thing that she didn't get so emotionally connected to the man's bright features, for after a few minutes of her fumbling around, and dropping things out of anxiety for her dear friend and neighbor, the man had stood and walked to the bar with a scoff.

Iris could only sigh, at that point. She had such hopes for him.

If she was being completely honest, Iris would have to say that she didn't really care about the blue eyed man. _Kakashi,_ she cared about, but not him. If he was going to give up on her after a single night, then that was fine with her. He didn't know her, and she had no intention of ever knowing him. He was simply a man that had failed her expectations, just as she had failed his.

 _In that way, perhaps they were alike. Both had mutual disappointed feelings in the other._

But, in any case, Iris had then finished her shift without any more problems or complications. Her employer, a young man that was distantly related to the Uchihas of Konoha, had even let her leave an hour early, after he had confessed his growing concerns for her well-being. Apparently, he had been watching her serve the man, and the many unusual difficulties she had had were duly noted.

"Get some rest," he told her firmly. "This isn't like you."

The Uchiha wasn't a very outspoken person, and at times he was a little too frank, but he undoubtedly cared for her. She appreciated him, just as she appreciated some of the less pushy neighbors of hers. Not as much as Kakashi or her parents, but closer than that of people like _Margo_ , who had barged into her life without invasion.

 _Someday_ , she would have to express her true feelings to that woman; as well as to Kakashi. He seemed to be getting the wrong idea.

...After she had returned home, Iris changed into her sleepwear, and crept into bed with a strong feeling of unexplainable guilt, and instantly she felt as if, perhaps...she had forgotten something. It wasn't long after that, when she had shot up from under the covers; resulting in a momentary loss of vision, and a shuddering bed frame.

 _Her plants._

With all the Kakashi hullabaloo, she had completely forgotten!

Without even bothering to slip on her usual garden-outfit, she bounded outside with heavy footfalls; soon realizing that she had also discarded the idea of shoes, as her toes sunk into the moist dirt. The moon was high overhead, and it illuminated her nightgown in an eerily beautiful fashion. Iris was both pleased and disturbed with the angelic and ghostly effect.

She greeted the many different flowers and assorted plants as quickly as she could without angering them further, and then leapt backwards into a small patch of plain grass that had been wedged into the design of her garden for this very reason. She had to sing to them, and they _all_ had to hear it, or they'd get even angrier.

Instantly, Iris decided on a sweet melody she remembered from her childhood, and let her voice ring out into the night, with the calm assurance that her neighbors would already be asleep by this time of night. Yesterday, as she looked back on it, her song was louder than usual.

Iris had to conclude the song sooner than her plants liked, as she felt as if she was being watched, but they seemed to be much more content than when she had first come upon them. Obviously, she accepted this without complaint in her exhausted state, and padded her way back into her house, pausing only once to rinse off the bottoms of her feet with the hose connected to her house.

Again, she wiggled her way under the covers.

 _And it seemed that just seconds after she closed her eyes, morning was upon her._

...She awoke groggily, but with the full intention to head straight to Kakashi's house after breakfast. _Who knows_ what he had done without her watchful eye on him for all the time she had been gone.

Iris headed to the bathroom with slightly misplaced intensity, for at this point, she was only taking a shower, but somehow she felt that taking _all_ the events leading up to the moment they spoke again seriously was a good idea. She rinsed off her dirt-covered body quickly, and swept her hair into a damp bun as she slipped into a yellow sun-dress.

 _Perhaps_ , she had thought, _if she dressed in a lighter tone, the awkwardness that was sure to come would lessen, and be lightened as well._

Then, she made her way into the kitchen, considering her breakfast options with contempt; as her stomach was feeling too uneasy to consume anything. With a sigh, she thought better of it and moved on.

...As her face knit itself in a look of fear for the coming future, Iris slipped on a pair of open-toed sandals, her mind racing at the prospect of what she would find beyond the doors of her home. _How would she_ ever _be able to apologize? Kakashi would...Kakashi…_

 _Kakashi would…_

 _ **No she isn't.**_

Iris had glanced out the window on purely a whim; trying to see if she could catch a glimpse of Kakashi through his own window. But what she found was not Kakashi. Not even close.

With a sharp knock on her wooden door, Iris's terror was confirmed. Margo had arrived.

"Honey, are you listening to me?"

...Iris sighed, now back in the present. The sun was already sneaking up on her, and by the time she finally got Margo to leave, she'd have to water her plants before she could go see Kakashi. For unknown reasons, she was being thwarted at every turn.

"I'm listening," she said calmly.

Margo then beamed at her, and soon continued whatever story she had been telling while Iris had obviously _not_ been paying attention. (Truth be told, she was _still_ , not paying attention). She was just...off her game. Usually, she could deal with a few hours of Margo's rambling without complaint, but today was a special case. Today, Kakashi was angry with her.

...No...She didn't have time to be talking with this foolish woman. Not while Kakashi could be in pain, for all she knew about his alone time.

 _Iris needed to get out of here._

"Margo," she interrupted.

Said woman paused immediately, and looked at her with a face that screamed the fact that she not happy with being cut-across, but _would_ be happy again if she apologized. Iris, obviously, did not plan on apologizing.

"Could you leave?"

Margo then proceeded to look hurt, and her mouth hung open in a surprisingly perfect-looking circle as she desperately attempted to grasp the feel of the words she longed to say. Out of the goodness in her heart, Iris continued; trying to lessen the burden of her own words.

"I'm sorry, but I'm actually not feeling very well," she smiled grimly. "As you guessed before, of course."

"Oh!" Margo's mouth came to a close.

"Darling, why didn't you say so earlier? I'll go, I'll go," she said, excusing herself from the table with a screech from the legs of the chair as they were pushed across the wooden floor. "Remember to take medicine before you nap, and drink lots of fluids!" She pushed a piece of paper into Iris's hands; looking as if it had been folded and refolded many times.

"This is a list of helpful remedies for a problem like this, and…" Margo reached into her purse, and retracted a bottle of little white pills. "These are wonder-workers. Take two every six hours, and the pain should lessen.

"And also…"

...To be honest, Iris was beginning to feel grateful towards the normally overbearing woman. The sickness she felt was fake, let Margo treated it as if it was real; and just that fact touched her more than anything. _Perhaps she had been misjudging this woman?_

Margo then made her way over to the front door, and was silent, for the first time in the past hour. "I hope you feel better, Honey," she said solemnly, reminding Iris of her mother, as the door opened, and then closed.

 _She was gone._

...Iris waited ten minutes in a nervous sweat before she even dared to head outside. But then, as she did so, she looked back and forth in a worried manner; scared that Margo would reappear as she so often did.

After finding her to be nowhere in sight, however, she stepped forward and raced towards her beloved neighbor's house in a flurried rush, trying to shield her appearance with her arms as she did so. _One could never take too many chances._

The thought of Kakashi still saddened by their previous encounter drove her on, even though she was scared enough to want to turn around. She needed to see him, and confirm for herself that he was okay. She had to.

It didn't take long for her to find herself on his porch; dizzy, and having trouble accepting what was surely to come. Kakashi would still be angry, and she had no tricks up her sleeve to deal with it. Iris would to wing this, and it would most likely turn out awfully.

With a sigh, she stretched out her hand.

A glint of light in Kakashi's window instantly caught her attention, and Iris's mind then accelerated, quickly accepting the outlandish belief that it was a knife; and that Kakashi had killed himself because of her insensitivity. She then shook with terror - and rightfully so - as her fingers grasped his cool; seemingly not touched in ages doorknob. Convinced that she would find a dead body, she flung the door open.

...But instead, rather than a lifeless corpse, what awaited her was a hand over her mouth, and another around her waist; as she was yanked into the depths of Kakashi's home _._


	8. 7 When Sooner or Later it's Over

Kakashi wasn't sure, as to _why_ he had pulled Iris into his home.

As he saw her approaching, apparently, something had just snapped. She had looked so scared to open his door, as he gazed at her through the glass of his window, and something in him knew that he had to comfort her, _somehow_. Whether acting like a deranged rapist was a good or bad idea - though he was obviously leaning towards the latter - Kakashi had still acted on the whim that he now realized was foolish.

...Honestly, all he knew at this point, was that he had done so. The living, erratically breathing, and somewhat fuming body of his usually calm neighbor, that currently sat in his lap, confirmed that fact three times over.

And well...to be frank…

She was absolutely _pissed_.

Iris had _shrieked_ into his hand as he pulled her inside, probably convinced that he was kidnapping her. It was a scream worthy of the gods, though muffled, and Kakashi's ears still continued to ring as he sat on the stained, though no longer wet carpet of his entryway.

" _Sorry_?" he offered.

The only good thing that had come of this, was the fact that they had both momentarily forgotten about what had happened between them the day before. Kakashi had pretty much gotten over it, after seeing Iris singing, as well as getting a surprisingly good sleep. He was willing to forget it ever happened. But _Iris_ wasn't. That much, Kakashi could tell, even just from the way she continued to shy away from him once she had calmed down a little.

She was scared that he was still angry with her.

It may have been a little sadistic, but it almost... _pleased_ Kakashi, to think of that fact. To him, it meant that she cared enough to worry about what he thought of her, and that was good enough to calm any lingering feelings of rage at what he had thought of as a betrayal. His demons really _couldn't_ hurt him while he was with Iris.

"What do you mean, ' _Sorry_?'" she snarled, raising herself up from his lap to face him; a new intensity in her eyes.

Kakashi was sad that he couldn't feel her warmth against his body any longer, but he relished the thought of her yelling at him so naturally, as he said, "I meant just what I said. Sorry."

He shrugged his shoulders, as if he couldn't help it; which made Iris glare at him, and his insides burned with the need to chuckle. She was too adorable for her own good.

"Hatake!"

"Hey," he spoke playfully. "Don't bring my father into this."

Iris's dark eyes, that matched her loosely kept, and still somewhat wet hair, flashed menacingly, but there was definitely a hint of mischievousness hidden there. Her lips seemed to twitch, as if they were threatening to smile, but as they were still set in a firm line after a few painfully agonizing seconds, Kakashi dismissed it as a trick of the light.

"You still didn't explain why you pulled me in like a serial killer," she then murmured, hugging herself around her midsection with arms that had been trembling just minutes before. As his eyes followed the movement, he noticed that her yellow dress was offset slightly, probably because of how he had shifted and pulled her, and the bow that was supposed to be in the back, was more on her side than anything else. It made her appearance look even more comical, though he still thought the color looked nice on her.

Again, he stifled the urge to laugh; but knew that she was calm enough to handle it.

He smiled, instead. "Maybe I _am_ a serial killer. You wouldn't know, not being a ninja, and all."

This made _all_ of Iris twitch, and she turned to look at him again with a frighteningly calm expression. "I really can't believe you, Kakashi," she scolded. Then, her voice dipped into something more sober.

"And here I was, all worried…"

Kakashi's gaze softened as he took in her slouched form, and saddened voice, and instead of saying anything else that she would take as insensitive, he simply asked, "Do you want to sit down for some tea?"

She nodded, as he expected, and he led the way to the kitchen; though she knew where it was.

...Kakashi found such a thought calming. Iris knew her way around his house, so it was almost like they were... _closer_ , than they were. It was almost like they were-

"Kakashi!" Iris squeaked - as she often did, as of late - as her face smashed into the tough, muscular wall that was his back. Kakashi hadn't even realized that he had stopped.

"Sorry, sorry," he said again, shaking his head and chuckling.

Strangely enough, his feelings on his situation with Iris seemed to have morphed over the short spell in which he had not seen her. He definitely wasn't kissing her right now, but he felt mysteriously contented; like she was, in fact, his girlfriend, like he longed for her to be. Just _yesterday_ he had wished to hold her in his arms, and now he felt as if he didn't need to.

 _Perhaps listening to her sing had done more to him than he had first thought._

The magical aspect of her song seemed to follow him into his personal life, and it ran through his system as if it were a pipe depositing hope in all the vital areas; his brain, his stomach, which had been knotted with butterflies previously, and his _heart. Iris wasn't going to go away anytime soon,_ the voice seemed to tell him. _He had time to win her affection. So for now, at least, he could relax._

"So," he said, smiling broadly at the woman he loved. "Green or Oolong? Tea, I mean."

Iris replied with, "...Green," before looking at him with a somewhat inquisitive expression. No doubt, she was wondering why he was suddenly so happy after the heart wrenching fight between them, that had quite literally, just happened the day before.

Kakashi wasn't sure himself, but what he _did_ know, was that he couldn't stop smiling.

"Fine with me," he murmured; humming as he stepped towards his stash of supplies. His hips swayed ever so slightly as he dropped the tea leaves into the water he had heated previously with a simple fire jutsu, and his arms twitched with the urge to flail about.

 _Was this what it felt like to be in love, and not have to worry about the consequences?_

He stirred the mixture quickly, before handing one of the mugs to Iris, who now looked slightly disturbed, and slightly amused, as he raised the other to his lips to take a sip for himself. It could've been stirred better, but Kakashi was a little too happy to care.

"What's gotten you so pumped?" Iris asked, now smiling broadly as she looked up at his jovial expression. His masked lips were curled up in a smile that Iris rarely ever got to see, and Iris's eyes crinkled upwards with delight. Of course, she had turned away from him while he sampled the tea, (so he could pull down his mask) but now as she looked at him, even Kakashi could tell that she was happy as well; just because he was.

 _You_ , Kakashi longed to say. Of course he didn't - that would be too forward - but just the simple thought of it broke his face into another, reinforced grin.

"Nothing," he smirked mischievously, turning from her to take another sip of his tea. "It's a secret."

Iris only smiled, beyond happy herself, that Kakashi was so gleeful; even though she didn't know the reason. Behind his mask, he blushed slightly as she did so, thinking again of all the things he loved about her.

Just her smile alone was enough to brighten his whole world.

"I guess I can accept that, since you're so happy," she admitted, albeit a little reluctantly. Kakashi knew that she was curious, but he had no intention of sharing his feelings with her. Today at least, he wanted to bask himself in the sweet, sweet glamour of hidden love.

"Want to stay for dinner?" Kakashi asked her.

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye as she took another sip. "Sure."

...No, this wasn't the life he wished to _always_ live. Kakashi was aware that _someday_ , he would have to tell her of his profound attraction to her. Him having _unrequited_ feelings for the woman named Iris Cutler was not going to last forever, but right now...he was content with his existence.

For what seemed like the first time in his life, he had accepted what he could not change. He wasn't going to be able to fully atone for his sins, and he had had enough of wallowing in his own self-pity for a while. Last night, after hearing Iris sing her enchanting melody, he had finally come to terms with this fact.

Nothing Kakashi could do would bring Obito back. Nor could he raise Rin and Minato, or his father either. Right now, Kakashi had to live in the present; lest this beautiful life slip through his fingers.

 _And with Iris to support him, perhaps there was hope for him yet._


	9. 8 I Just Don't Wanna Miss You Tonight

Besides the time she had stepped out to water her plants, Iris hadn't left Kakashi's house.

He just seemed so clingy, and dare she say, _needy_ , today. His eyes followed her wherever she went, and any time she had attempted to leave again, they would dip into a whole new world of sadness. Iris couldn't _not_ stay, after seeing him like that.

So, here she was.

Together, they had cooked dinner - grilled chicken - and then sat down at Kakashi's wooden table to eat in a comfortable, but slightly unnerving silence. They sat in chairs that did not match each other, for he had originally only purchased one to go with the table, and sipped newly made tea. Iris kept glancing at Kakashi out of the corner of her eye.

She could _never_ tell what he was thinking, but the feeling of confusion at his strangeness had never escalated to this level. One minute, his eyes were sunken with depression, and his back was slouched as he delivered those hateful words, and the next, he was smiling like he had just won the lottery: or if a new book in his favorite series had come out. Honestly, she just didn't know what to do with him.

He was even wiggling like an excited child as they ate; his butt hardly even touching the seat. A broad, flat smile adjourned his usually placid features, and even from under his mask, Iris could see that his face had a nice, healthy glow to it. She was confused, no doubt, but she wasn't heartless enough to ruin this moment with a serious conversation. _That_ , could wait.

"So, Kakashi. Now that we're done eating…" She caught herself. "What should we do?"

For a few seconds, Iris had been planning on asking for permission to leave. Obviously, she had stopped before actually saying it, but it was still frightening to think of what would have happened to Kakashi's mood, had she said it.

However, he shrugged, not noting anything strange with her apprehensive state. "How about a movie?"

Immediately she nodded, agreeing with him, and sped over to the living room so as to not allow him to see her suspicious attitude for any longer than he needed to. Perhaps now, if she could have a minute or two to herself, she could calm down.

It wasn't that she didn't _want_ to spend time with her neighbor. Anytime was a good time to hang out with Kakashi, and usually she wouldn't mind having to crash at his place, even for a full day. It was just the fact that the past few days had been awkward and painfully long, that slowed her down. Now, she was being forced to keep up a smile for longer than usual, directly after a _world_ of hurt and excitement had crashed into her.

 _Not to mention, within the span of only a day._

"Is everything alright?"

...Unfortunately for her, Kakashi didn't seem to be fazed by her attempt at acting natural. Within seconds, he was right beside her again, and Iris was sure that her heart had ripped itself away from her chest.

She hadn't expected him to be so close, so quickly.

"Don't scare me like that!"

Kakashi chuckled slightly, but soon stopped as he grabbed her hand to travel the rest of the short distance to the couch together. He only spoke again once he was sure that she properly sat down herself, and his intimidating tone surprised her.

"Seriously, though. What's gotten you so tense?"

 _You_ , she wanted to say. _You_ and your confusing personality and actions. _You_ and your sickly addicting smile.

 _You, Kakashi. You._

"I'm just tired," she said instead. "I have to water the plants three times a day now, work was exhausting yesterday, and I had to sing to them last night. It took a lot out of me."

...If you could get points for telling only the truth, yet still avoiding the actual reason, Iris could have all of them, for all of the information she had spoken was just that. _True_ ; but still a world away from the _real_ truth concerning the question asked. After all, she couldn't tell Kakashi that she had to sing to her plants because of him, because that would hurt his feelings. And she couldn't tell Kakashi that _he_ had been the cause of yesterday's work disaster either. _That_ would make him apologetic, and ruin the happy and extremely rare mood he was in.

No, even if it was technically a lie, and even if she was willingly telling it, she couldn't tell Kakashi the real truth. She couldn't hurt him again.

After what had happened yesterday, she had expected Kakashi to hate her, just like he did when he first moved in. She expected him to curse her existence, and wish for her death; to wish that she could feel how awful it was to be abandoned by someone that told you they never would.

...Of course, she _did_ know that feeling, from back in her Uchiha-happy days, and from every day that her neighbors had turned away from her, after learning about her worthless occupation, and her terrible secret. They all had learned the truth, and hated it to its core, and they all had built up a certain trust in her, only for it to tumble down helplessly, as if on a steep hill they hadn't realized they'd been climbing until now.

All of them had been given a rough shock by what could only be reality, yet they sought to deny it with all of their strength. After all, Iris had lied to them, hadn't she? She had fed them untruths from the very beginning; led them to believe that she had something that wasn't really hers.

Even with their differences in what she had disappointed each person in, they all had one thing in common. Iris Cutler had been tricking them since the beginning. And that, they all knew for certain. This had been her plan. She had done all of this on purpose. She had dragged them into something they couldn't get out of, _all_ on purpose.

 _And Iris didn't want any of that to ever happen to Kakashi._

Perhaps she was just overstating their dissatisfaction, for after all, her current life seemed to be just fine. This life wasn't a lie. She loved her plants; they _were_ her family. She loved her parents, and they still loved her. She loved Kakashi; strange, disheveled Kakashi that always managed to be on her mind at every minute of every day. She loved them all.

And, Iris was happy, even if she seemed to always be hiding her true feelings. She was content with where her life had gone, and with how it had decided to keep her here long enough to meet all of the special people in her life. Fate had kept her here for a reason, and she knew that she shouldn't complain, or remorse about what had happened in the past.

...Yet, how could she not?

Kakashi's sadness, though surprisingly brief, was a living, breathing example of how she continued to make mistakes. How she was still a failure, even though years upon years had passed.

Iris couldn't just _forget_ about the pain she had caused. That would be an insult to the the people who had actually suffered from it.

Even Itachi, though she longed to cease to remember him the most. Iris had ruined their relationship, and now all she had left of him was an agonizingly vivid memory, that still haunted her to this day.

In fact, instead of 'even', Iris should label his case as 'especially'. More so than anyone else, she had broken him; to the point where he would even kill her if she let herself be known to him again. Her nightmares constantly replayed how she had run her hands over his head and played with his long, pitch black hair before she told him her secret. How the shock had been so evident on his usually stoic face that she had almost burst into tears.

And most importantly, how he had left her without saying anything.

There was no disappointed statement, or even a glance, not even one lathered with hatred, in her direction. He did not look at her. He did not speak to her. He did not touch her.

He was just gone.

...It had taken years, _literally_ , to get over the initial shock of the denial, but Iris had not forgotten about the young Uchiha. He, her first love, was the reason she was so hesitant to jump at the chance to be with Kakashi.

They had known each other for two years now, and Iris _had_ felt the beginning stages of a sweet infatuation creeping up on her.

But for two long years, she had denied them.

She couldn't allow herself to love again, after what had happened. And, since not a single person was able to handle her secret, she stopped telling it.

Iris, a girl that used to be innocent and carefree, had shrunk back into her shell; still connected to the world, but only by a thin thread. She couldn't really laugh, like she used to. And her smile was often times fake, nowadays.

Yes, Kakashi was able to bring out the good in her, and _that_ had not been a lie either. She did really enjoy spending time with him, and she did really smile inside when he grinned at her. But while she was by herself, or if he started to doubt her as well, Iris couldn't stop from thinking this way.

It was as if she herself was a plant that had withered too soon, but had been accidentally overlooked and not yanked from the ground with the same regards as a weed. Perhaps it was the ultimate gardener - fate - that had purposely left her, in the hopes that she would straighten out her life once more, but it still seemed unnecessary for her to still be here.

Kakashi deserved so much better. Her parents deserved so much better. Her plants deserved so much better.

She wasn't even worth being the awful person who had let down all of those people.

Iris wasn't good enough to have ever been with the proud and strong Uchiha, and Kakashi… Well, she was even more unworthy of him.

He knew this pain, probably even more fiercely than she did, yet he was getting through it. While she was moping about, he had somehow turned his outlook on the situation upside down, while him still being happy had thrown her entire being off course.

Their little fight really wasn't a big deal, yet she had made it so. Surely, Kakashi was the more mature one here.

 _Even_ if he was more childish on the outside.

...A loud, long sigh escaped her lips as she was transported back to the present; her thoughts about the past falling short as she found Kakashi to be staring intently at her, inches from her face.

Iris almost screamed again, but it seemed that Kakashi noticed the renewed light in her eyes, for he clamped a hand over her mouth with frightening speed. Her eyes pleaded with him to give her a little distance, but he didn't seem to be in a complying mood, for there wasn't even a slight smirk on his face as he took his hand away.

"I ask again," His voice was solid, hard, and nonnegotiable.

"What the hell is wrong?"


	10. 9 And I Don't Want the World to See Me

At first, all had been well.

Together, Kakashi and Iris had sat down to eat dinner, and it had passed without even the slightest hitch. The chicken was surprisingly tasty, even after it had been sitting in the freezer for too long, and just having Iris there, sitting next to him as if it was the most natural thing in the world, was enough to wash any negative feelings away.

As it was, at that time, Kakashi couldn't even _think_ of what he had been so angry about not so long ago. In fact, he was so immersed in the woman sitting across from him, that he didn't even _remember_ Margo, who he had truthfully known for just as long as Iris.

To Kakashi, this moment was perfect. Iris was smiling, and he was finally feeling actual happiness, deep in the pit of his stomach; which was a world away from the shallow act he so often put on for the public. There was no thick shell of lies surrounding him to protect him from the dangers of the world anymore. With this, Kakashi could actually enjoy this moment.

And he was.

Before long, the meal had been finished off - as was expected, of course. His stomach was full, yet not too stuffed, and his high spirits had not yet left him. The world was clearer than it usually was, and it could only help his case to know that Iris had no reason to leave anytime soon. After all, she had watered her plants sometime back, and now, theoretically, Kakashi had her all to himself for as long as he wanted.

Together, they made their way to the living room; though Iris was undeniably a few steps ahead of him for the first part of the trip. She seemed spooked for some reason, but rather than be worried about it, Kakashi simply decided to find it amusing.

He _did_ stop to ask what was bugging her of course, but the bigger part of him was sure that it was nothing.

Since his confidence was through the roof, Kakashi decided to take matters into his own hands, and he did so, albeit a little too literally. With one of his own, he grabbed her hand, and forced her to walk alongside him the rest of the way to the couch. It was a short lived pleasure, as they arrived within the same minute, but it was still strangely satisfying to the man who had fallen a little too deeply in love.

At this point, they sat down, and Kakashi instantly came to the conclusion that it would nicer to sit and chat with Iris, rather than start with a movie right away. Over the past few years, he had learned that she wasn't the type that liked to discuss things _during_ a film, so if he wanted to make the most of the time he had, he'd have to do it now.

With that in mind, he spoke.

"Seriously, though. What's gotten you so tense?"

Kakashi made sure to add lots of concern into his voice, just in case she was actually serious about her odd behavior, but the majority of it was again, just his own curiosity. Iris, usually anyway, wasn't the type to be so jumpy. Especially in front of him.

 _And well, it wasn't exactly that he really thought it was serious either, but-_

"I'm just tired," she answered quietly; cutting him off from his thoughts. "I have to water the plants three times a day now, work was exhausting yesterday, and I had to sing to them last night. It took a lot out of me."

Iris finished with a sigh, apparently trying to demonstrate just how tiring the past few days had been for her.

"Oh?" was all he replied with; still slightly curious, but at the same time, slightly bothered by the fact that she wasn't having as much fun as he thought she was.

After all, she had been smiling just minutes before, had she not? Kakashi had seen her, silently giggling at his childish demeanor. That wasn't a dream. She _had_ been happy, and yet now, as he gazed at her, and she looked everywhere but at him, she looked as if the world was about to end.

...What was even more confusing, was that after that, Iris didn't speak again for a _long_ time. She even stayed silent for so long, in fact, that Kakashi found himself wondering if she had even heard him in the first place.

As if mocking him, her face began to dip into something that was so displeased it almost made Kakashi scoff in outrage. Her eyes glazed over, and her lips began forming words that he could not hear.

All in all, it made him want to slap someone.

Iris's nose constantly twitched as she stared off into the distance; looking not at him, but at what seemed to be all of her previous life choices. Each time something she didn't like would appear into her mind, she would scowl, and sometimes, in the midst of it all, the ends of her lips would curve upwards in a fierce display of ugly melancholy. It began disturbing Kakashi more than it had before, as time went on.

Iris was scaring him. She really was.

What had started out as a perfect day, was now dipping into something almost as awful as yesterday. Even just the act of her not responding was annoying, and now, with this, Kakashi found himself becoming _extremely_ irritated with her lack of attention.

Not only was she not answering, but now she was also zoned out; lost in her own little world. Her eyes were open, but lacked the usual depth, and she didn't even become embarrassed as he scooted closer to her; so close that he was almost on top of the poor girl who had been caught in the sights of the angered man.

Kakashi hadn't waited all this time, just for this. He hadn't gotten drunk, _just for this._ And he wasn't about to let Iris, even if she was the woman he loved, get away with making him angry.

"Iris," he hissed; a certain edge to his voice that even made half of his _own_ being run scared.

He wanted her to say something, _anything_ ; even if it was only a squeak of fear at his changed attitude. Right now, he had reverted back to what he had been when he first arrived in this town, and she surely, more than she had then, would be terrified.

Yet, as if to disappoint him to the fullest, all she replied with was more of that incomprehensible murmuring, this time seemingly only making strange tapping sounds. Honestly, the noises didn't even sound human, but Kakashi didn't really have time to worry about such a thing, as he was full of enough fury to murder a group of rogue ninja with his bare hands.

Right now, he was angry enough that he wouldn't even think of the consequences if he yelled at her. She was just being so... _difficult_ , and it made him upset, to a sickening degree, that she wouldn't even look at him.

 _Was he suddenly not good enough?_

In truth, Kakashi actually had a bit of what you might call a short temper. His fuse was short, and even more so right after he had just wasted himself.

With the residue of alcohol fueling his still damaged mind, Kakashi was extremely split between many different personalities, and confused as to what actions to take. He was upset, obviously, that Iris didn't seem to want to give him the time of day, but a deeper part of him also seemed to say that it wasn't her fault.

She had problems too. That was why she looked so sad. It wasn't because she thought he was worthless, or anything. No...Iris might even have demons, just like himself, lingering in the depths of her soul, and eating at her consciousness every time they got the chance.

After all, it was true that he had only met her two years ago, and there was so much that he didn't know about her…

 _...No…_

No, he really didn't think of that before.

What if she really was just like him? What if Kakashi had missed something that had been right in front of his eyes the entire time?

What if Iris...What if she really _did_ have her own devilish mind to bear?

...With these thoughts, Kakashi found the anger at her slipping away instantly. It melted onto the floor; sloshing from his washing machine of a brain with a frightening quickness, until all that was left swirling around in his brain were thoughts of her, and her own difficulties.

For so long now, he had only cared about himself, yet here Iris was, constantly being the only support he had. She had never complained until now, and even this event, which Kakashi had foolishly seen as something it clearly wasn't, did nothing to take away from the angel-like pureness that she held inside.

Iris was still just as perfect as she had been moments before, or even days before. This changed nothing!

"Iris, I-"

Kakashi had spoken with the full intent to speak his mind, yet something had interrupted him, as if it was fate that this conversation was not meant to happen; at least not now.

There, in the back of his skull, as well as all around him, was that incessant knocking again; reminding him instantly of the Margo incident from the previous day. _Tap, tap, tap_ , it went, swaying to a predetermined rhythm that could only mean one thing.

His madness.

It only took a second for him to realize where the true origin of that sound was coming from. Kakashi couldn't deny it for long. He knew what it was. He knew that it wasn't Iris. And he knew that it wasn't Margo knocking on the door again, trying to find Iris and scold him in the process, either. No, regarding _that_ , it wasn't even a human knocking.

For a few moments, he tried to delude himself with the hope that it _wasn't_ what he knew it to be.

 _Perhaps it could be a lone squirrel, tapping on an acorn,_ he told himself. _Or perhaps, it was his own, thumping heart; taunting him with the close proximity of him and Iris._

 _After all, a strange knocking phenomenon could be anything, right?_

...Another round of the sound passed, and Kakashi almost found himself reaching upwards to tear his silver locks straight from his scalp. He knew what that knocking was. He knew, and he didn't like it.

 _Tap. Tap. Tap._

It was a bird. A _messenger_ bird, that the village of Konoha had trained for one job, and one job only. _To deliver mission assignments._

Kakashi sighed, deep in the depths of his mind.

It had been _months_ since his last mission, and yet, they felt the need to cut him off during the one time he _didn't_ want them to return. Yes, it was true that he had been begging for another mission a mere number of hours ago, but that was then. And _this_ , right now, was more important than anything a ninja mission could throw at him; S rank or otherwise.

Iris was more important than anything. Compared to her, money meant nothing. Countless feudal lords needing to be transported safely, valuable jewels as numerous as the stars in the sky needing to be protected, and all the pointless jobs that the lesser countries could come up with, paled in comparison to the duty of comforting her.

She was...broken, more so than he had ever dreamed.

Kakashi had thought that it was only him who felt that way. Who felt like the entire world was resting its weight on his shoulders. Yet, here she was, sitting across from him with a pained expression that he knew all too well. It was almost like looking in a mirror.

Iris held many secrets, many of which were unknown to him, yet he had never taken the time to get to know even a single one. Kakashi had only been selfish to her, for every precious year that he had known her, and now, at the time that he finally realized his mistakes, he was being pulled away from her.

There, for the first time since the start, he saw the _true_ look on her face; one that wasn't just faking in the attempt to irritate him.

 _And the pure sadness that he saw lingering there, was what scared him the most._

...At once, she let out a long sigh, as if on cue, and seemed to realize how close he was. There, he would have gotten his desired squeal, surely, but instead of wishing to hear it, he now found that even the thought of it disgusted him as he placed a hand over her mouth.

"I ask again," his voice wavered slightly with the rock hard emotion he was feeling.

"What the hell is wrong?"

Iris blinked; her eyes wide, seemingly confused to the fullest degree as to just what was happening. Kakashi had her pinned down, and had the atmosphere not been so tense, he would have been slightly turned on by the position they were in.

...Though, those thoughts were all but cast aside as she spoke, "Ehhhmmm...I…."

His gaze then pierced into her eyes even harder than before, and Kakashi felt her squirm slightly underneath his grip. The only place she seemed to be able to look was into his eyes, and the fear that he saw - which had replaced the sadness - was as frightening to him as it was to her.

He didn't want to scare her, but this was-

 _Tap, tap, tap._

Kakashi's head snapped to the side, and he gazed out the window with even more fury than before at the dark bird who had finally deduced his location. Before now, it had simply been poking around at the outside of his house, but now that Kakashi had been spotted, there was no turning back. If he didn't leave soon, there would be shattered glass to deal with.

"K-Kakashi?" Iris asked, obviously still scared, but also confused now, more than anything.

"What is that bird…?"

Kakashi allowed his face to turn back to face her. "It's calling me for a mission," he said simply; pulling himself off of her, and masking the anger he felt with all of his being.

"I guess you can go home now," he continued. "But don't think our little chat is over."

Iris nodded; the feeling of fear reuniting itself with the contours of her face.

From there, she got up herself, wobbled a bit, and then straightened her course as she hobbled towards the door on what appeared to be half asleep legs.

As was usual these days, Kakashi found himself thinking of how he _would_ have chuckled, had the circumstances been different.

...In an instant, she was gone, without so much as muttering another word, and the bird was finally awarded access to the inside of his house, thankfully without having to break anything. Now, it starting to squawk and shriek with a fierceness that reminded Kakashi of how being a ninja was in fact his _job_ , and not just an annoyance. Yet, he could still hardly stop himself from tearing the creature apart.

With a terrifying calmness, he slipped on his usual gear; and left an empty pack on the counter for when he was certain to return home to prepare for the mission.

 _...And for some, strange, and ominous reason, Kakashi had a feeling that this mission was going to be a long one._


	11. 10 I Don't Think that They'd Understand

During Kakashi's absence, Iris found that life was rather lonely without him constantly there beside her; nagging her; teasing her.

As she went about her normal chores, there was a lack of something; a lack of stupid commentary about topics Kakashi obviously knew nothing about, a lack of snickering in the background when she did something wrong, and most of all, a lack of random visits that Iris secretly loved.

There was a missing piece in her life. Kakashi was gone. And it was her fault.

 _...It had been a week already, since she had last seen him._

After the messenger bird had arrived, Kakashi had ushered her out the door without a second thought. The tense atmosphere from before was both intensified and forgotten at the same time, and as she raced out the door; once again saying nothing as they parted ways, she almost felt it necessary to explain her willingness to leave. She didn't want him to think that she was eager to slip away from his company. it was just that the mood didn't really allow conversation.

So, unfortunately, she had left without even saying goodbye.

Of course, while still there, Iris had pretended not to know what the bird was. She pretended not to realize that it was a trained animal, used by ninja all over the Land of Fire. She pretended not to have her own connections with the shinobi world.

 _She pretended her whole relationship with Kakashi wasn't based on lies._

In any case, from there, Iris had made a swift retreat back to her own home, where her plants were beckoning for her again. Too exhausted, as she often was lately, she ignored them, before unlocking the door unceremoniously. It seemed to take forever to take her shoes off, as if they were telling her she had more work to do. They wanted her to get up again. To run to Kakashi and apologize, to tell him all of her dirty secrets right then and there before it was too late.

She didn't.

Next, Iris let her hair down from the bun it had previously sat in; allowing the soft waves to caress her bare neck and shoulders. She unzipped her dress, stepped out of it, and then slipped into the same style of nightgown she had worn the day before. She felt filthy, like there was sweat and mud tracing her spine, but she made no move towards the shower. Instead, she got into bed.

The covers hid the way her body still shook from raw emotion; but they could do nothing to convince Iris that everything was alright. Her mind was in tatters, and she could think of nothing but the disappointed look on Kakashi's face. The way his eyebrows furrowed, and his eyes flashed with pure fury. The way his muscles were clenched, and the way his jawline was wavering with the movement of clenched teeth.

The way he couldn't even stand to look at her as she left.

The events of her past were repeating themselves. This was the same as it had been with Itachi; the same as it had been with all of her other loved ones. Kakashi was a reincarnation, an aftershock, of her prior relationships. This was a reminder that she could never stay in one place too long.

She had moved to get away from this, to finally escape the hateful glares, but now it was back again. Iris had gotten too close with Kakashi. She needed to back away before it would become too painful. She needed to distance herself from the people of this village.

But she couldn't.

Iris had already gotten too attached to this countryside sector to leave. She couldn't just move away. She _liked_ it here - dare she say loved - and for once, she had lasted more than a year without revealing anything. People enjoyed her presence in this quaint little town, and they were concerned about her. She had never experienced anything like that before. She couldn't simply force herself to forget their kindness. She...for once...she just wanted to be happy.

Sure, there were her parents, who had supported her from the very beginning, and who still did, but that wasn't enough. They loved her, without a doubt, but they didn't _understand_. No one did, and no one could. Iris was a special case, and no one but herself would ever truly comprehend her feelings.

She was simply a monster.

"Kakashi…" she had spoken into the darkness of her room; sadness laced in her voice, and in the way she clutched her upper arms for support.

"I'm _sorry_."

...As if to atone, as she fell asleep, Iris _welcomed_ the nightmares.

From there, the days had passed painfully slowly. _Nothing_ happened, without him there to attract the trouble. There were no loud, angry shouts of the other neighbors he had trespassed on again, and there wasn't any infatuated puppies following him all the way to her house. There wasn't even a single argument with Margo, if that was possible. Kakashi had simply sucked the life; sucked the pure _drive_ and willpower out of their little town.

Iris didn't know how much more she could take.

To fill the void, she had spent countless wasted hours in her garden; weeding where she had already weeded, watering where she had already watered. She started making frequent trips to Margo's house, so she wouldn't be alone. She traveled to and from the Konoha Hospital facilities constantly, bringing in new shipments of herbs whenever even a single leaf sprouted anew.

To sum it all up, she was hopeless without Kakashi. This wasn't the first time he had left for a mission, but this time, it had hit her with a foreign intensity. After acknowledging that she may have had feelings for him, yet kept denying it, she felt as if she really did have an inseparable bond with the strange man. She felt like...like she was in love again.

Like…

 _No. That was impossible._

"Stupid thoughts," she reminded herself. "Positively stupid."

Iris then sighed; digging her heels into the coarse dirt outside the restaurant she worked at. Without fully realizing it, her feet had carried her here. They knew that she needed a break from all these complicated thoughts. Working would let her focus on something else.

Yeah. That's what she would do. She would work until she couldn't work anymore. She would tire herself out, so when she finally returned home, there would be no other option than sleep. Nightmares were nothing compared to the world she was living in. Iris would take them any day.

"Uchiha-san?" she called into the store; after poking her head through the sliding doors. Immediately, she found him, and she smiled; wedging the rest of her body inside the pleasantly air conditioned room.

"Would you mind if I started work a little early today?"

Of course, he had no problem with her starting an hour or so before her shift. She was used to his carefree, yet somewhat firm personality, so it was no surprise. Still though, even just hearing him say it himself was a huge relief. This was something she could do without messing up. She knew how to execute her job. No thoughts of Kakashi necessary.

The doorbell rang just as she finished changing.

"Good afternoon!" she called; tying the strings of her apron behind her back as she did so. "How may I serve you today?"

The night was unbearably cold.

Iris had finished her shift at midnight, and walked home in the strangely frigid air with chattering teeth. Nothing had gone wrong while she was at her job. There was only a handful of drunks, and even still, they were manageable. It wasn't a noteworthy day, but it was putting money in her pocket. And for that, Iris was grateful.

After arriving home, she threw a nightgown on once more, thinking instantly of her plants, and how she really should go out and sing to them. She had been slacking lately, because of all the Kakashi business, and she knew that they were getting a little too angry for comfort.

There was no feeling in how she had watered them, during the past few days. She could hears their thoughts, but her own mind was blocked, and nothing was getting through to her beloved plants. They assumed something was wrong of course, but not knowing was bugging them, just as it would anyone. They cared about their mother. And if she wasn't feeling well, they needed to know why.

Clicking her tongue, Iris slipped on a light jacket, before skipping out to the garden; bringing a lawn chair with her. She would tell her plants what was happening. They deserved to know.

Iris's feet padded along the hard ground quietly, created a hollow thumping sound that could surely only be heard by her and her plants. No one else, on the entire planet knew that she was out here; fretting over how she would explain a desperate situation to a pile of leaves and stems. No one knew, so no one thought she was crazy.

With a million thoughts running rampant in her head, she positioned the chair just right, so she was sitting in front of all of them. At her sudden appearance, each individual plant seemed to lean forward; interested, and sure that she was here to explain why she hadn't been spiritually connected to them lately.

After taking a seat, and smoothing the wrinkles in her gown, she began.

"So I know I've been pretty unfair to you guys lately."

They nodded their approval and agreement toward her words.

"But I'm here today, to apologize. And to explain."

All of their ears, wherever they were located, perked forward.

"I think I might be in love again," she said quietly, after some thought. "Maybe not as deeply as with Itachi - you remember him, he had the beautiful long hair - but surely enough for me to be fazed. This man's entire being remains on my mind wherever I go, and it's started affecting how often I spend time with you guys, so for that, I'm sorry.

"But other than that, I can really only say that I am terrified. Terrified of losing him, and terrified of him finding out about me. He doesn't even know anything yet, and he's acting like he hates me. Just last week, we had two major arguments within the span of two days; maybe even only 24 hours if you stretch the time right. It's only because he's on a mission that we're not dealing more blows right now." She drew in a breath.

"I know this separation is probably good for us, so we can have time to sort out our feelings, but all I've been thinking about lately is how much I miss him. And how much I want to hold his hand, and run my fingers through his white hair, and to rip that mask right off his face so I can-"

Iris paused, surprised herself by her own feelings. She didn't think it was this extreme. She didn't realize that her want for him had grown to such a point without her even knowing;

...The plants nudged her with their leaves; urging her to continue. She nodded.

"As I said, I think I'm in love with him. I didn't want to admit it, but I am. His name is Kakashi, and he's the biggest idiot I've ever met, but I love him. He knows the pain I feel, in his own way, and he's dealing with it in ways that I never even imagined. He's actually counteracting the demons inside of him. He's smiling. He's able to get up and continue. And I admire him so much for that.

"To finish, I just want to say that I'm sorry, again, for ignoring you guys. I took the easy way out, and didn't realize - or care - how it was affecting you. I can only ask for your forgiveness; and for your guidance, because I'm definitely going to need it. Thanks for standing tall, even when I feel like wilting. You may not be human, but I love you. All of you. Thank you so, so much."

Her voice trailed off like the sound of the wind, whistling through the trees. A warmth instantly filled her chest. It was their way of hugging her.

 _They were finally connected again._

It felt wonderful to have all of that out in the open, but also, it made her feel strangely burdened as well. It felt as if she had just let out a catastrophic secret to the entire world. She felt like every second of it had been recorded, and now that she had said it out loud, there was finally proof to show Kakashi, and to have him shy away in disgust, even before the worst news came.

He didn't even know the beginning of what she was, but he already hated her. And here Iris was, smiling like an idiot because she had made insignificant progress within herself.

"Stupid thoughts," she repeated; quoting herself.

"Positively stupid."


	12. 11 When Everything's Made to be Broken

(AN: This chapter is a little graphic in the fight scene department, but it's not really that bad, so I wouldn't worry).

"Please! I'll do anything, I swear it!"

The masked man stepped forward.

"Name your price, I'll pay! Just don't kill me!"

The victim's shrill cry irritated the man opposite him, whose only job was to see him dead. A rogue like him, with battle scars running across his chest as he so openly displayed, should have been more of a challenge. He should have stood his ground, instead of collapsing under only a pinpoint - a pinch - of pressure.

Again, the mysterious ninja took a step towards his commanding officer's enemy; grimacing at how he groveled at his feet.

How disgusting.

" _Please!_ "

Mercilessly, Kakashi plunged a knife he had been twirling previously on his fingers through the rogue's chest; emerging only seconds later coated in blood. More and more, a sea of red, spurted from the wound, and Kakashi took a glance at the man one last time, only to find his eyes rolling back into his head. An accurately placed stab, no doubt. He was dead. And Kakashi's job was still only halfway finished.

...Fleeing from the scene quickly, after being sure to dispose of the body with an explosion of flames, Kakashi leapt into the trees; eager to locate his next target. The man from before was one of many - too many, for Kakashi's liking - that were part of some organization under the direct order of Orochimaru. This particular group had been growing larger, and more powerful lately, meaning they needed to be stopped. Now, it was Kakashi's, as well as a few other skilled ninjas', job to do it.

Kakashi sighed.

 _How he wished he could be with Iris at this very moment._

It had been a week, perhaps two, since he had last seen her, and to be honest, he was getting worried. There were so many possibilities, so many chances for her to get into trouble, and without him there, she could very well get hurt. Kakashi wouldn't be able to live with himself if she did.

Yet, who was he, to tell her what to do? What had he been thinking? Saying, 'Our little chat isn't over', was practically telling her to wait for him. In his current state, what right did he have to act all high and mighty? What right did he ever have? Sure, it was true that their conversation simply _wasn't_ over, but he couldn't even stand to wait himself! How did that suddenly translate into him becoming the ring leader?

Feelings of regret for yelling at her had been washing through his system ever since he had left, and now, he could hardly stand to stay focused on this stupid mission. Kakashi cared not about this stupid group of rogues, who, judging from their level of strength, seemed to be a false alarm. All he cared about right now, was returning home, to see Iris alive and well. That was all he wanted. Yet, something was telling him that that wouldn't be what he would find.

Honestly, he had been feeling a bad omen for the past week; seeing signs that struck a danger chord within him for reasons even he did not know. He would simply see something, something so small, and so meaningless, and yet it would set him on edge for the rest of the day. Take the Uchiha Clan crest, for example. As he passed one of their old, destroyed side-branch homes, and saw it; carved into the stone foundation, he had been forced to pause, right there in the open, even with the risk of being seen and attacked. _Something_ , didn't feel right when he looked at it. He didn't know what it was, but whatever the case may have been, it bothered him. Deeply. And now, he was somehow sure that it was connected to Iris, though he could only guess at the significance the Uchiha crest held, considering that all but one of them were dead.

How Kakashi hated not knowing things.

 _What if she was in pain, right now? What if she had given up on the world? What if she had…_

Kakashi didn't want to think about any of this, yet the thought continued to plague him, even as he sunk into focus mode. Even as the other members of his four man squad tried to engage him in conversation. He couldn't pay attention. Iris captivated his entire existence, and this time, not in a good way.

"That was my brother you killed!"

A scream - feminine - broke Kakashi away from his thoughts, though not entirely.

She ran towards him with thundering footfalls, making her easy to spot, even with only his ears. She was not worth the trouble of turning around.

With a flick of his wrist, Kakashi launched a round of throwing stars - shuriken - into the air. They soared silently, trained on their target for only a few seconds at most, creating a thin line of suspense before he heard the satisfying slitting of skin. Blood burst from the wound on her neck, just like it had on her apparent brother, but Kakashi found that he didn't care about it in the slightest as he pushed on; once more disposing of the body with a simple fire jutsu.

 _One more down, at least a dozen to go._

Kakashi sped through the trees; the green and brown a blur, making it seem like everything was moving too fast. His life was slipping away from him, and somehow, he felt it necessary to grasp it tightly within his fingers so as to not let it get away. If he didn't, surely, Iris would be right there with the trees he passed. _Ignored_. _Forgotten_. _Unimportant_.

And she was none of those things.

" _I see you managed to kill my team._ "

Another rogue appeared, this one faster than the woman had been. He caught up to Kakashi in an instant, though he wasn't going top speed, and slashed at him with a sharpened katana. The fabric of his vest was torn slightly, before he could get away.

 _Kakashi had just a gotten a new one. How annoying._

This man seemed to be much more skilled than the others on his team, so Kakashi allowed himself to get more serious as he created a few shadow clones. They surrounded him, blocking hits, as he thought of his next move, and if it would affect his schedule to stay here and mess around with the rogue for a while. Surely, even though his team had agreed to meet at their base in what was probably now only a half an hour, they wouldn't mind if he took a small detour, right?

Making the decision to fight the man, since it would take his mind away from Iris, Kakashi stopped suddenly; catching himself on a thick treetrunk before hopping to the forest floor. There, he was soon joined by the rogue; a man without a face, as far as Kakashi could see. His voice from before hinted at the fact that he was probably around Kakashi's age, but other than that, his hood covered all distinguishable features. Since Kakashi was planning on killing him anyway, he decided it didn't matter.

"Yeah, I did," he answered; soon coming to blows with the powerful swing of his katana again. Kakashi allowed one of his clones to take the hit, and it disappeared with a puff of smoke.

"What's a skilled ninja like you doing with thugs like them, anyway?"

It was a question Kakashi actually wanted to know the answer to, despite it being common interrogation protocol. By every second, this mysterious rogue seemed to be getting better, and in comparison, the people Kakashi had fought previously were getting worse and worse. Now, the scream of that barbaric woman seemed like nothing compared to the screech of this blade scraping against the devices of the forest; the whoosh of it passing within millimeters of his ear.

"An uninteresting reason," returned the man, sounding irritated and cold. He was just like an Uchiha, Kakashi realized, with the skill and reserved nature. However, it was simply impossible that it could be, because the massacre had happened all too long ago, and no one but that brat of a child Sasuke had survived. So...definitely not an Uchiha, right?

Once more, the katana almost grazed his skin, and Kakashi found himself panicking slightly beside himself. He had known the rogue was good, better than the others, but not _this_ good. He wasn't even using jutsus yet, as he was sure he could, and he was almost beating him. It was a blow to his pride, surely, but more than that, it made him wonder if he would make it out of this alive to check on Iris.

 _...Iris!_

All at once, Kakashi remembered how the Uchiha crest from before had bothered him so much, while thinking in regards to her. Could this be the reason? Could this fight, in which he repeatedly mistook his opponent for an Uchiha, be the reason he was so unsettled by looking at it?

And, more than that, did such a thing mean that this man was in fact an Uchiha? Was this connection not just referencing what Kakashi thought, but what instead was actually true? Was more happening here, than even he knew?

Kakashi dodged another attempted stab, wondering still about what had gotten this man to stoop to the level of the rogues before him. What was his drive? And more importantly, was he an Uchiha?

"Would you happen to an Uchiha?" Kakashi asked, deciding to be forward as he caught hold of the man's arm. "Perhaps one that's been hiding all these years?"

With a jerk, he left the man tumbling forward, off the branch they had both momentarily been standing on during the mobile skirmish. From there, he followed him, jumping off as well, only to find that the man was gone.

 _Where-_

He hadn't exactly let his guard down, yet Kakashi still didn't expect the sharp blow to the back of his head to come. Swirls of all different colors blocked his vision, and the only thing he could make out was that the pain didn't feel like a stab-wound, so that was good. Less chance of dying, that way.

"I can't say that I'm not," the man spoke into Kakashi's sudden darkness, lifting up his hood just enough for Kakashi to make out a needlessly handsome face, with roughly defined jaw and cheek lines. His eyes were black; soulless, and he only smirked for a second - as those same eyes flashed red - before his expression returned to a blank stare, which fit the tone of his voice.

"But if you'll excuse me," he continued, as Kakashi's eyes shifted hazily towards the raven colored hair he owned; running down his back in a neat ponytail.

"I've got a girl to meet."

(AN: Ooo~oooh, plot development!)


	13. 12 I Just Want you to Know Who I Am

Iris was cold. That was all she could really think of.

It was a slow business day at the Uchiha-owned restaurant - she had watered her plants before she left, a good few hours ago - and no one was really bothering her. Iris wore a soft, green tunic-style cover over a simple tank top and black leggings. Her hair was up in a bun, albeit a little messy, and she had also added a purple bow to complete the style, in the attempt to lighten her mood.

It hadn't worked.

Kakashi was still, even two weeks after he had left, the only thing on her mind. Everything else was just a blur, and she found that the only thoughts running through her brain lately were the many ways he could get hurt. The ninja world was unforgiving. She, more than anyone, knew that. After all, she herself had been a-

No. She shouldn't even think about it. Even constantly fretting over Kakashi was better than recalling those memories.

Iris bent down to retrieve a fallen napkin; holding the small of her back with one hand while she did so. For some reason, she was feeling extra sore today, perhaps because she wasn't getting enough sleep, or maybe because she had been pushing herself a little too hard whilst trying to forget about Kakashi. Whatever the case was, her back was _killing_ her. And it didn't exactly help that she knew there was at least a _few_ drunks ogling her from behind.

For once, she wished work could just be over.

Foolishly, she had decided to sign up for a full shift today, instead of just a few hours, like she had been taking recently. Apparently, she had thought this would do her some good, being focused on something long enough to take her away from her worrisome mind theatre. But of course, she had been wrong, as she so often was. And now, she was stuck with a shift that ran until one in the morning.

Currently, it was only 10:00, and she was already exhausted. Her back, as mentioned, was sore, and her arms were beginning to tire from all the platters she was forced to heft from table to table. Even her feet, who without fail carried her around, were feeling the burn of this constant exercise. They _ached_ ; a different sort of pain than the rest of her body was feeling.

This would definitely prove to be a long night.

"Hey Waitress, I need you over here!" A male voice, probably belonging to the brown haired man she had seated only a few minutes ago. He seemed to be a very pushy fellow, and she wasn't looking forward to serving him.

"Yes?" she questioned, too exhausted to even spit out the usual, 'How may I help you?'. This job made her act like someone she wasn't, and for once - today - she was going to take back her own personality. She didn't need to be formal with a man that didn't even respect her. No one should be expected to, especially her.

Glaring, the man bore his gaze into hers. "A bottle of sake. Get it."

Despite what she had said previously about not being submissive in front of him, Iris nodded obediently; trotting off to the storage unit to grab one. She wasn't going to tolerate rudeness, of course, but there was no need to snap so soon. The night was young, and so was she. Iris would have some fun with this man.

To start, she made sure to grab the bottle that looked to be in the worst shape, and took it back over to the man. Of course, he attempted to swipe it out of her hands before she could even speak, but she wasn't about to allow that. Keeping it just out of his grasp, she asked, "Sir, may I ask what the name of the man I'm serving is?" and smiled sweetly at him. Taken aback, and slightly angry, he muttered, "It's not important," before trying to grab at the alcohol again.

Once more, she didn't let even a single finger of his touch it. "Oh, but it's important to me," she drawled, moving closer to him. "Won't you tell me?"

Confused about the current events, the man seemed to pale and blush all at once; gaping at the closeness between the two. Of course, she wasn't serious about flirting with him, but it was fun to see him squirm under her control like this. _This_ , was one of the perks of working as a waitress, though she never used it as much as she would have liked to. The watchful and disapproving eyes of her boss always followed her, but right now, she couldn't feel his stare against her back. She was safe.

"Please?" A batting of her eyelashes did the trick.

"It's Genma, alright?!" he cried; flustered. "Can I have my drink now?"

"Sure," she murmured; vaguely interested. _Genma, huh?_ She felt like Kakashi had mentioned him once or twice, though that was always in the context of him being a major playboy. She wasn't really seeing that sort of personality with the way he was acting right now, but perhaps he was just already drunk. She wouldn't put it past him.

Iris then extended the bottle, feeling a little bit guilty about giving him the grime covered one, now that she knew he was a friend of Kakashi's. Anyone _he_ knew and liked, if only a little, she was okay with, so suddenly, she didn't really want to tease this man anymore.

As he snatched it from her hands, obviously triumphant, she backed away slowly; her head down. "If you need anything else, you know where to find me."

Apparently, Genma wasn't about to let her get away so easily.

"Why're you so timid all of a sudden?" he barked; a mouth full of sake slurring his words. She winced. Yes, he was an angry drunk - which equaled an annoying drunk - but it didn't make his statement any less true. She had been pretty forward before, and now, it was like she was just backing away. Iris found that it even made _her_ irritated with herself.

"Well?"

The sudden confrontation had her raising her head to meet his eyes within seconds, and the fire in her eyes returned as she inched closer to him once more.

"What, do you miss me already?"

He smirked at her, suddenly much more like the flirtatious man she had heard him to be. "I _like_ you. Come sit with me."

Usually, this was completely against protocol. Never in a million years would she have ever allowed herself to actually converse with a stranger continuously. It was so easy to let something about her past slip that way. Yet, with this particular man, something told her - something _drove_ her - to smirk back and slip into the other side of the booth, so she was facing him.

Perhaps it was just because Kakashi trusted him, or perhaps it was only her; a strange form of her own sort of trust forming within only an instant. Whatever the case was, she was now sitting across from the man named Genma; and drunk or not, he was making her smile.

This was what she needed.

"Can I pour you a glass?" he asked; gesturing with the bottle like it was an extension of his hand. She almost said yes, and she really wanted to, but even with this new happiness, she knew she could not lose herself. There would be no alcohol for her, at least around others. So much could be revealed about her, from her own mouth, without her even realizing it. So, instead, she shook her head.

"I only drink when I'm alone."

Iris expected him to shrug and keep chugging, but then, he did something unexpected. The next moment she looked at the table, the bottle was sitting there, even though his glass was empty. She glanced at him quizzically.

"I can't let myself get wasted in front of a high class lady like you," he explained; tossing what looked like a long metal toothpick in his teeth.

She chuckled at this answer. "I'm nowhere near high class, but I appreciate you saying that. Truly." She dug in her pocket then; emerging with a notepad and pen. "This is a little less formal than I would like, but is there anything I can get you?"

Genma smiled; pushing the notepad away. "No, but is there anything _I_ can get _you_?"

Iris surprised herself by giggling here. She knew he was trying to pick her up, but the way he did so...in such a suave and sweet manner, she couldn't help herself from feeling elevated. He was so nice. Such a beautiful distraction. And she wouldn't mind hanging with him for a while.

"How about an ice cream sundae for two?" she asked; somewhat proud of her suggestion as he smirked again.

"Why not?"

Iris was still smiling at him as she stood, though she was almost a little disheartened that she was leaving him. What if she came back out, and he was gone? What if another girl came in, and by the time she had gotten the dish ready, he was already content with her?

What if he was just messing with her?

Iris wasn't seriously considering him as a boyfriend or anything, nor did she plan on having a one night stand with him. She was just sort of wishing that she was appealing to others; that they were happy with her presence. The way he talked to her...it was like he was actually interested in what she had to say. Iris didn't have very many friends, at least ones that could listen like she somehow knew he could. And somehow as well, she suddenly knew that that was what she wanted from him. Friendship. And nothing else.

"I'll be here when you get back," he spoke; as if he had read her thoughts.

There was that smirk again; taunting her. He... _understood_ , didn't he?

"C-Can I tell you something, when I get back?" she stuttered suddenly; scrambling over her words and decisions, scared of what he might say. She just had a gut feeling, deep inside, that Genma would understand, if she told him about her past. Obviously, she wasn't ready to tell _anyone_ everything, but maybe...just a little? Just a taste of what she had to go through, so he could relish the pain and feel it with her. Just so she could feel connected to this man, who she knew needed to be her friend, despite what she had thought of him at first.

A puzzled look appeared on his face, and the toothpick device sagged from his lips. "Of course?"

Right now, he didn't know what she was talking about. But she...she would tell him. She would. As soon as she returned.

"I'll be back."

Iris raced towards the kitchen; feeling apprehensive and terrified; her heart pounding - not from attraction to the man, but from her own fear that he would be like all the others. Yes, she somehow believed that he wouldn't, but what was her own word against the word of all the others in the world? They had seen her as disgusting. She didn't, but they did. What if Genma…

No. All she had to do right now was make a sundae.

 _So that's what she did._

Iris worked with a rhythmic flourish, almost dancing along the dirtied tiles from countless spills of other workers. Of course, she had never spilled anything, other than that coffee from the day she had hurt Kakashi. She had just been a little _off_ then. But, in any case, that was behind her. She dribbled some chocolate syrup on the top of the ice cream scoops.

Truthfully, Iris liked being in the kitchen, but the only things she was ever allowed in there for were special dishes, like this. Of course, as was already known, she was a fine cook, but she had never once dreamed of ever actually pursuing it as a job option. She was pretty content with her waitressing at the moment.

But, still, sometimes she did like to imagine what it would be like.

With a sigh, she put a cherry on top of her little creation, before remembering who she was making it for, and then added one more so each of them could have one. She just hoped he was a fan of cherries.

"Alright," she spoke to herself. "You can do this."

Iris arose from her position of admiration at the cream mountain; picking it up with both hands, and using her foot to open the swinging door. She searched for Genma immediately, and another sigh escaped her lips after she found him.

So he _hadn't_ left.

Normally, Iris never would have been doing this while she was working, but at the same time, today, she didn't really have to worry about the other customers. It was a slow work day, as described previously. No one else was here, except for this strange new friend that she had found. No one would disrupt them now, not even fate itself.

"Genma!" she began to call, waving over in his direction. But his attention wasn't on her, as she had expected and hoped it to be. Instead, it was directed towards the door, which was swinging open slowly; revealing another man more fully with every step she took.

 _The dish of ice cream dropped from her hands._

Iris couldn't say anything. Couldn't think of anything. All she could see, all she could focus on, whilst still entirely _out_ of focus, was the man standing in the doorway. The beautiful man that she knew like the back of her hand.

Vaguely, she saw Genma stand; looking panicked. But everything was a blur.

Her lips became dry, and her arms shook; suspended in the air as if they believed there was still something to be held there. Miraculously, no ice cream had stained her clothes; not even her shoes, but she couldn't even see the dish now.

One word, the only thing she could grasp, sat on her tongue.

" _Itachi_?"


	14. 13 Can't Fight Tears that Ain't Coming

Genjutsu. That was the only explanation.

Kakashi had arisen from his sleep, so rudely instigated by that mysterious rogue from before, to a dark sky, not at all vastly different from the calm forest night he had been traveling in previously. It seemed like he had only drifted off for an hour or so, but somehow, he knew that at least a day had already passed without him knowing.

His body felt like it was made of lead; like he was being weighed down by some of Gai's impossibly heavy training weights. Curious, he stooped down to check, but after finding none, the only theory Kakashi could come up with was that this was the after effects of his battle. This, was the result of his simple skirmish in the trees with a strangely powerful rogue who was definitely - after Kakashi had seen those red eyes - though also quite impossibly, an Uchiha.

 _Well, impossible, unless he was Itachi…_

No, that was simply not an option. Itachi hadn't been heard from in years, and was practically considered dead. Even Kakashi had never seen the man, in all of his 25 years, even though he had been on the run for a good number of them. That was a sure sign that he had been vanquished years ago. And, even riding on the assumption that he _was_ alive, why in the name of all things ninja would he make an appearance to someone as unimportant as Kakashi? It was completely and utterly impossible.

 _So the mystery of the unknown Uchiha still stood._

It may be wise to note, that another problem with this strange bodily heaviness, was that the battle hadn't been nearly serious enough for him to be feeling like this. Kakashi hadn't even used his sharingan, and that blow to the back of his head didn't have enough power to defeat his entire being like this. So _this_ , again, as he could only assume, was the after effects of genjutsu; which messed with his head, and therefore, though much later, the rest of his body.

Upon getting up, Kakashi had soon found it impossible to move properly. It was like his central nervous system had been tampered with; and no signals were making it from his brain to the rest of his body. When trying to move his legs, only his hands seemed to respond, and vice versa when he actually wanted to use his fingers. Needless to say, figuring out his newly wired body took some time, but Kakashi eventually got it, though he had wasted a valuable sum of time.

It was decided. Definitely genjutsu.

As Kakashi pressed on into the forest, now moving at a more respectable pace, his body finally functioning properly, he found he could now only worry about one thing. The girl the rogue had spoken about.

Of course, he now realized that the entire encounter with said man had never _really_ happened - instead having played out within his mind - but that didn't mean the man wasn't real. That didn't mean the things he spoke of weren't true. And that most certainly didn't mean that he was worrying about Iris for nothing.

He knew that she couldn't possibly have connections with this strange man, but the way he had spoken of a girl, like he was hinting at the fact that Kakashi knew her, bothered him. There was no other girl he could think of that he cared for as much as her; nor could he think of another he cared for at all. Iris was quite literally, his entire world. And if a strange man, not to mention an undoubtedly powerful man, threatened him with the harm of a girl, it would be her.

And the thought pained him greatly.

Truly, he knew virtually nothing about Iris. Her past was a mystery, up until the point he showed up across the street from her, and even the present day was debatable. He knew she definitely wasn't a ninja now, as he saw her almost every day, and observed her quietly even when he didn't, but that didn't mean she _never_ was. That didn't mean she hadn't gotten into trouble with this formidable man somewhere in her darker past. That didn't mean she hadn't been trained as a child. After all, she always seemed to just appear behind him. Maybe...there was more to her character, in the physical sense, than he knew.

One day, he would have to evaluate her skills to see for himself. But right now, _that_ would have to wait if she was in fact the target of the genjutsu user.

"If only I wasn't on this stupid mission," he muttered to himself; speeding up his pace, even at the risk of falling from the trees. At this point, he didn't care anymore. True, he never had, but _now_? Now, this mission was literally a speck of dirt on the bottom of his shoe. Completely unnecessary.

 _He would finish it quickly._

Lucky for Kakashi, with his quickened pace, he soon found a hideout; swarming with rogues. There were hastily built tents forming a circle in the small clearing, and a dying fire struggled to blaze in the center. All of them were sleeping, including the guard sitting on a stump, who had surely been recruited to keep watch. Kakashi stopped immediately; letting his fingers do the work.

Whispering the jutsu's name - a fire style, as had been the most convenient on this mission - he took in a deep breath, before blowing the flame through his fingers like a dangerous bubble. In seconds, it engulfed the tents; joining with the fire in the center pit. Screams were heard, not out of pain, but of panic - the attack had never been to burn them alive, that would be cruel - and from the tents came tearing at least a dozen rogues. With this, he had met his quota.

A handful of kunai in each hand, he flung them all at once, not bothering to look as they lodged themselves into various parts of his enemies' bodies. More screams erupted from them then, cackling alongside the fire, but most were soon dead in their throats as they ceased to breathe. Kakashi pulled out some shuriken to handle the stragglers, and with that final release of metal, his job was finally done. Weeks of collecting and counting dead rogues, and he was finally done. Now, to meet up with his team.

It occurred to him, as he put out the fire, that he had been required to regroup last night; a _good_ number of hours ago. By now, they were surely proclaiming him dead, no doubt.

Not like they cared, as he had never shown any interest in them either.

Kakashi decided he didn't really care either. Their regrouping area was on his way back anyway. He would stop through, and if they had left already, so be it. He would report to the Hokage alone, and then, as fast as his feet would carry him, to Iris he would go.

 _If only he could go faster._

Turns out, his team _had_ been waiting for him.

Kakashi arrived within the hour he had set off in, surprising all of them - two jounin he had never met, and a vaguely familiar chunin - as he sped through; almost missing the camp. Of course, he slowed down, and they reacquainted. He told them of his findings, including the mysteriously powerful rogue, though he didn't mention anything of his Uchiha theory. They seemed satisfied, and together, they deemed the mission - at least the part they had been assigned - complete.

Kakashi led them back to the heart of Konoha.

It took longer than he would have liked, but after another two hours, the village gates finally came into view. He and his team had somehow made a silent agreement not to speak, so no conversation had distracted him from his thoughts. This was both a good thing, and a bad thing.

Probably more of a bad thing.

On the flip side, yes, it did keep him on task and focused, but more than anything else, it led him to worry about Iris. He saw her repeatedly: bleeding, crying, dead; often in the clutches of the young Uchiha from before. And his heart couldn't take much more of it.

He needed to see her. _Now_.

"I need you to report to the Hokage without me," he commanded. "I have some...business, to take care of."

All at once, his team stiffened, as if afraid of him. Apparently he had made that a little harsher than he thought. The jounin beside him, male and bulky, nodded; a firm promise that they wouldn't fail. Kakashi nodded in return, of course, but did nothing to act like he cared more than he did as he sped off in the direction of his quaint little town; his soul hungry for her sweet smile.

 _He couldn't have gotten to her already, could he?_

Kakashi was still driven on the fact that he knew nothing of her past; that he was so ignorant, and so uncaring, that this was his punishment. She was going to be taken away from him, all because he never bothered to open up to her, and to let her in turn open up to him. It was his own fault that he didn't know. How could he have been so insensitive all this time?

From that time, back in his living room, he had seen it. He had seen her pain, clear as day, right there on that usually smiling face. She was hurting inside, perhaps just like he was hurting, and yet he had mourned for only himself these past two years. Iris had her own demons, and Kakashi hadn't cared. He hadn't tried to comfort her, or to even notice how fake her smiles were, at times. He was simply a hypocritical shell of a man that would never in a million years be worthy enough for a girl like Iris. And nothing, not even saving her from this Uchiha, would change that.

 _Obviously he was still going to, though._

Kakashi sped through the night; feeling relieved when her house came into view, until he realized that the lights were off. She never went to bed this early. It was only, what, 10:30? Maybe not even that. He knew that this could only confirm his suspicions.

Not caring about the costs of his next action, he kicked the door down; jumping through without hesitation to begin calling for her. "Iris?" he questioned, first soft, and then precedingly louder as she didn't answer him.

"Iris!?"

There wasn't an answer from anywhere, not even the deepest corners of her house.

...She wasn't… _dead_ , was she?

After some thought, and a short but thorough inspection of the rest of her house, he concluded that there was always a chance that she was elsewhere, and not here. And, rather than being dead, she could simply be injured, or be kept prisoner somewhere. Anything could be happening to his beautiful friend. And just the thought of it had him leaping back into the sky on the rooftops; his blood boiling.

Maybe she was working today.

Again, he raced through the town; stopping for no one. He didn't see anything unusual on this journey, no signs of a struggle, but it did nothing to quell the fear inside of him. He just couldn't lose her. Not now, and not ever.

Another boost of speed had him at the restaurant she worked at - something he had never truly approved of, as it was directly connected to a bar - and he wasted no time making his way over to the door; which he assumed wasn't actually the main entrance, but rather, just a side door.

He took in a hefty breath, and his hand was just about to grasp the handle when he heard a crash; as if something had been thrown. His pulse raced.

"Iris?"

It wasn't a very loud call this time, more just a questioning of his own self. But Kakashi still spoke it into the night sky; terrified of what he might see in there, but more than anything, filled with fury at whoever had done it. If she wasn't in there, safe and sound, he was going to kill something. Preferably the man who had taunted him with an encounter that had never truly happened.

He growled, and his hand tightened on the door; twisting it, when suddenly, he heard Iris's voice.

"Itachi?" she spoke; fear laced in that beautiful voice.

His visible eye - the other still covered by the headband - widened. So it was true?! That man...he was Itachi Uchiha, the one who had murdered his entire clan?

And he was in there, with _Iris?_

Kakashi hissed, slamming the door on his hinges, finally bursting it open, and causing the very woman he had just looked everywhere for to flinch, but not even glance over at him. That stung a little, but the moment he saw Itachi, looking as murderous as he felt, he knew that he would have been just as frozen as her.

Kakashi's voice was still venomous as he spoke, and he directed as much hatred as he could at the man who was threatening _his_ Iris.

"What's going on?"


	15. 14 Or the Moment of Truth in Your Lies

When Kakashi arrived at the nameless restaurant, his voice hoarse and constantly cracking - not to mention the fact that he was visibly exhausted - Iris's apprehension level shot through the roof.

Not to say things weren't already messed up before he got there, but…

When Kakashi arrived, things got _really_ crazy.

For fear that something would happen, Iris didn't turn to face him; didn't even _glance_ at him; for she knew that turning away from Itachi, even for a second, could equal immediate death. Instead, she sent out a quick prayer to the heavens for his safety, rather than hers, for she was fairly certain - more so that she had a hunch - that Itachi had no plans of killing _her_ just yet. He had come to find her because he wanted to speak with her, and if she was no longing breathing, the conversation would never exactly ensue.

Kakashi, on the other hand, had no business with Itachi, as far as she knew. So if he got on his bad side, killing him was still - unfortunately - entirely an option.

Iris continued to play out the fact that she didn't know the silver-haired jounin as Itachi took a step towards her; looking stoic, as he usually did, though there was a glint of fury in his eyes. For a second, they flashed red, and she shivered as they dilated back and forth. She had never liked it when he used his sharingan, and now, with her inability to stop him, she hated the fact that he was an Uchiha even more.

...She never should have gotten involved with him.

Honestly, Iris didn't even know herself when or how they had gotten together. Perhaps he had been passing through her small town, when they first crossed paths, or perhaps he had been her sempai at the ninja academy - which she had admittedly attended for some while in her childhood. (Yes, she had said she didn't want to be a ninja _now_ , but that didn't mean she _never_ was). Perhaps even, he had originally been assigned to kill her.

She didn't know anymore. She couldn't remember a thing. All Iris knew at this point, was that she and Itachi had dated, and that she had been in love with him for a very long time. And, maybe she even still was; just a little bit. In love with his calm and protective nature, his need to keep his little brother - Sasuke - safe, and his undying rage, though only bubbling beneath the surface, at the world. Truly, she probably still did _love_ him, in a sense, but more so now in a way that she only admired his strength. She knew her days of looking at him with hearts in her eyes were over.

She had failed him. And there was nothing she could do to ever return things to the way they were, though she wanted to with all of her heart. Iris had simply screwed up. And even if she tried to fix it again, like trying to glue a broken figurine, she was sure nothing could hide the thick cracks between each piece.

"What's going on?!"

For a moment, she had forgotten about Kakashi; about how he stood over in front of the side entrance, panting slightly because of an apparent run, and looking extremely winded. His hands were shaking - with rage or with uncertainty, she didn't know - and he kept his gaze firmly locked on the side of head.

 _The only good thing about this moment, was that he had yet to speak her name._

Iris was certain that as long as she could keep this distance between them, this pretend lack of knowledge about the other, Itachi would have no reason to target Kakashi. He was here, on his own terms, to speak with _her_ ; and only her. Kakashi was not a part of it. And as much as his presence there gave her strength, it added on more weaknesses to her front of bravery at the same time. How she hoped Itachi wouldn't realize how much she cared about him.

Stepping closer, Itachi finally spoke to her, ignoring Kakashi for the time being. "It's been a while." A ghost of a smile was on his lips now, as it had always been in the old days, and a rush of nostalgia raced through her system. She wanted to laugh, and to cry, and to rush into his arms all at once, but she knew that she couldn't. He had left her, and for a good reason. She didn't deserve any affection from him now.

Briefly, she noticed how his hair was still as long as it used to be, and that it was just as beautiful. An urge to run her fingers through the pitch black darkness consumed her, but she managed to control it.

"It has," she acknowledged; wincing as Kakashi so obviously reacted negatively to her words with a hiss.

Iris hated hiding things from him, but at the same time, she didn't _want_ him to know. She didn't want him to become aware of all of her faults. If he did, she would surely lose him. And that was something she couldn't stand to bare, especially not right now.

Itachi seemed creepily pleased with her fidgety state, and he smirked to himself, as if reminiscing something from the past that reminded him of this moment. Iris tried to smile in return, but was unable. Instead, a strained look of half discomfort and half shielded irritation sat on her features.

As for what memory he could possibly be thinking of, she had no idea, but she did have a few guesses; ones that included a few things she didn't want to remember, most of which involving Itachi teasing her. In the many years in which they had dated, he had discovered her lack of experience with a man at her side, and often did everything he could to cause trouble for her. Many times, he would kiss her unexpectedly, just to see her blush, and then burst out in a fit of chuckles when he saw how red her face became.

Oh, how weak she used to be.

Now, Iris despised the fact that another human being besides herself had witnessed all of that embarrassment. How Itachi remembered everything about her, even now, after it had been so many years. When he looked at her now, and when she looked at him, it was like all of that time just melted away, and he was just as amazing of a boyfriend as he had always been. Once more, she longed to wrap her arms around him. It was true, she still had lingering feelings for him. Not what she felt for Kakashi, of course, but it was enough to make her long to sit with him again, on the same chair in his lap, and waste away the only day off they ever got in the Anbu Black-ops.

Not that _she_ was ever a member. That was where Itachi was sectioned. No, in her younger years, Iris had been a part of-

 _"I missed you."_

This endearing phrase, coming from Itachi of all people, had a shiver running down her spine. He sounded so sincere. So genuine. And yet, Iris still remembered the day when he had left her; the look of pure contempt and hatred for her on his face. Nothing had changed in the time that they were apart to make him hate her any less. It just didn't make sense.

Though confused as to what her next course of action should be, she replied truthfully.

"So did I."

For once, she decided to sneak a glance at Kakashi, just to see what his expression was as she spoke these words. After turning, she decided that it had been a bad idea. There was so much confliction in his expression - which was really saying something, as the majority of his face was covered - and so much pain, that it stung at her own heart more than she would have liked. She was only agreeing with Itachi's words, saying a meager statement, and yet it seemed to symbolize so much more.

This wasn't just her meeting up with an old acquaintance by chance at the supermarket. This was a planned meeting, and though she hadn't technically known about it, she hadn't told Kakashi she knew Itachi either. With this, with these words, another lie - or rather, another unspoken truth - rested among them. And it broke her heart to think that Kakashi would slowly drift completely away.

 _More cracks in her figurine were forming, and she didn't even have the strength to lift the glue._

Without even a word of warning, Itachi began walking forward; his eyes smirking while his mouth attempted to hold back a grin. He spoke the words, "I don't believe you've ever introduced me to this young fellow," instantly making it known that he was entirely aware of her connections with Kakashi. He played it off like he didn't, like he was just picking up on this from the look she had stolen easily, but Iris knew him better than that. Itachi was smarter than most people knew, and if she wasn't careful, before the night was over, both she and Kakashi would be dead.

Knowing it would be useless to fake a distant relationship, yet still desperate enough to try, Iris formed a white lie that she spit through her teeth with a smile.

"Ah, well, we don't _really_ know each other. We're neighbors, and sometimes we get together for lunch, but we're not close. He probably was just alarmed because of the loud crashing sound that happened when I dropped the ice cream dish, so that's why he came in so flustered. I wouldn't think anything of it."

Itachi smiled in a knowing way. He knew, all too well, that her story had been made up on the spot, and he was amused by it. _Greatly_ , amused by it; enough to get him to play along.

"Oh really?" He strode closer to her, making Kakashi visibly tense, but instead of talking to her, directly addressed her silver-haired friend.

"I'm Itachi Uchiha," he said, extending a hand, which Kakashi reluctantly and angrily took. Itachi took in a fake, and over dramatic breath. "Honestly, I'm glad we're meeting now, so we can be on good terms in the future. I know we'll be seeing a lot of each other now that...well..." He glanced over his shoulder at her suspiciously.

Kakashi interrupted, puzzled and angry, "What do you mean?" voicing Iris's current thoughts as well.

Acting surprised, Itachi let his mouth hang open for a few seconds before he smiled again. "Didn't Iris tell you? I'm moving in with her, so we're going to be neighbors."

 _...That, she hadn't expected._

Iris immediately opened her mouth to speak; to protest, but nothing came out. Her shock was too real for her to calmly deal with the situation at this point, and she suddenly felt a strange need to sit down. She wondered where the manager was. Surely, he would have noticed all of the commotion by now. Surely, if her were here, everything would be fine.

And surely, most of all, she had heard Itachi wrong.

Another cheeky smile was flashed by him, but this time in her direction, as Kakashi snarled another quick, "What do you mean?" and made Itachi grasp at her hands, and in her confusion at what to do, she didn't stop him. The warmth that usually radiated from his fingertips was gone, and Iris saw countless scars and worn skin wherever she looked.

His hands were ice cold, and he took advantage of the situation by asking, "You do know that we used to date, right?" causing Kakashi to freeze in place; not even turning to look at her. She couldn't see if his mouth was hanging open or any visible signs of being unable to move, but the shock was evident, and she longed for nothing more than to assure him that nothing was between them now, even if Itachi seemed to think there was. To confess her feelings for him finally, and to live a life that would actually treat her well. To kiss that hidden mouth of his, and to scream the fact that she loved and needed him more than anyone else at the top of her lungs.

"Well, we got back together."

Too bad all of that was only a fantasy.

(AN: Sorry if this seemed too dramatic for everything I've set up so far. Itachi seems out of character, but he's really just faking in this chapter, so...Don't drop my story please. Comment on your thoughts).


	16. 15 When Everything Feels like the Movies

For the next few days following the sudden appearance of Itachi Uchiha - and the unfortunately not-so-warm reunion between the two neighbors - it rained continuously; never faltering through the dreary hours of the day.

The sky was constantly a deep gray, as foreboding and terrifying as skies came, and it was as if it was displaying how Kakashi felt about the current circumstances with Iris, including everything that had happened in the past few days. Namely, that was the combination of them being separated for weeks, and the sudden appearance of a man that seemed to be his enemy in more ways than one.

Kakashi hadn't seen the sky - hadn't seen the _sun_ \- for _days_ at least. It was always drizzly. _Always_. And nothing Kakashi did or said could change it.

 _Not like the weather was the thing he wanted to change about the situation anyway._

The clouds were constantly swirling about, forming and renewing countless dark masses above his head, and creating even _more_ rain; fueled by his own rage and sense of betrayal. There was never even a _moment_ when the sky was clear, in those times.

The heavy droplets pounded against the walls, against the windows, and against anything that they could reach and touch; often creating a thundering sound as terrible as the thunder itself. It echoed against the metal shingles, draining down the side of the house until it splashed against the soft pavement; drowning and overturning half of the flowers in Iris's garden.

Kakashi knew, not because he was looking at her house from afar again, but because he was actually there. His presence in Iris's home was as real as Itachi's. And though he wished he could be the _only_ male presence, being there to protect her was better than nothing.

He had followed Iris and Itachi home after things had calmed down at the restaurant she worked at; too livid to ask many questions, though thousands were circulating in his brain. _Why was he here?_ he asked himself. _Had they really dated? And why hadn't he known? Were they back together?_

 _Did he even have a chance with her?_

So many were left unanswered at that moment, and he couldn't even think of a possible solution. His brain was a mess of letters and possible happenings, numbers and equations that didn't apply, and thoughts of all the memories he had shared with Iris in the past being nothing but a lie.

At this point, all he knew, was that it had never stopped raining.

There was no halt in the sky's raging, and there was no quelling the fear and anger inside of him. Kakashi and the storm were one and the same, and though they definitely had their differences, he found that he could relate to this stormcloud a heck of a lot more than he could relate to the other humans in his life. Iris was unreachable, with Itachi there; constantly hovering over her, and Itachi himself would be no help anyway, as Kakashi both didn't _want_ to talk to him, and was at the same time sure that all that came out of his mouth were lies; except for the fact that he had dated Iris in the past.

 _Something_ , though he wasn't sure what it was, told him that the fact that Itachi and Iris had had something, in years past, was no lie. And when he considered the look of terror on Iris's face when the truth came out, there was even more reason to believe it was true.

It was a fact that they had been together. And though Kakashi had no details, not even a clue, he was sure of one thing at least; besides the fact that the thunder was shaking the whole house.

Iris wasn't as innocent as she made herself out to be.

Honestly, Kakashi wasn't sure if he should be angry, or if he should simply put the news behind him, and look to the future. That was what he had resolved to do, recently enough. He had pledged to work to accept his past, rather than hiding from it, and if he was to truly display such strength, it shouldn't be limited to just him. Yet, the fact that she had kept all of this from him disturbed him greatly.

Kakashi was fairly certain he had spoken to her at least once about the Uchihas. Maybe he hadn't gone into detail, but he had definitely mentioned the name Itachi a good number of times, and she hadn't flinched _then_. In fact, Kakashi had hardly gotten a reaction from her at all. She had simply nodded, and said something along the lines of, "Seems like you've got your hands full," before she turned back to the dish she was preparing. So then, had she just been not listening?

Iris was often one to space out, when her sleeping patterns divulged from their usual pattern. Obviously, she was under the impression that he hadn't noticed, so Kakashi was the only one to know of his own little secret, but it didn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. The fact was, she was only _pretending_ to listen a good half of the time. And even though he had known that for a quite a while, right now, it bothered him profusely.

Perhaps, if she had been getting more sleep during that particular time, that particular week or day when he had mentioned the name of this irritating Uchiha, Iris would have reacted negatively, and Kakashi would have been alerted of the situation much sooner. She would have done that odd but slightly adorable twitching thing, around her jaw, and he would have instantly known something was up. And, with him being Kakashi, he would have pestered her until she fessed up.

Of course, there was no guarantee that she actually would have told him, as she had done a mighty fine job not doing so in the two years he had known her, but the possibility of that being the case ate away at him, here in the present. How he now wished he could have been more informed. Kakashi hated being caught off guard, and after hearing this news unexpectedly, he was sure he would be annoyed by it for weeks; both at himself for not realizing it, or picking up on it sooner, and also at Iris, for willingly not telling him.

Though, if he was being honest, he would note that he couldn't will himself to be angry with her for very long, so most of the blame was cast on himself.

Whatever the case was, no matter who was to blame for Kakashi's extreme annoyance with the circumstances, nothing changed, or could change, what had already happened. It was simply the truth of the past that Iris and Itachi had... _dated_. Had probably hugged, kissed, and maybe even done other things that Kakashi knew he shouldn't even think about, but somehow, couldn't _stop_ thinking about.

 _Had she? With him?_

More than just being annoyed, with the thought of Iris becoming _impure_ because of such a man, Kakashi was descending once more into full, reinvigorated fury. He wasn't selfish enough to say that Iris was his for the taking, or that he was the only one who could possibly be worthy enough to even _consider_ doing something intimate with her, but he was completely certain that Itachi wasn't. This Uchiha was a deceitful, cunning, sick mastermind. And if he had really done all of the things the rumors said of him, then Kakashi wanted Iris nowhere near him.

Again, not trying to say that he could control her life.

Iris could make her own choices. She was intelligent, beautiful, and quite possibly just as witty as the Uchiha in question - Exhibit A being the fact that he had suspected _nothing_ in two whole years - and really, didn't need the outside help of anyone. Of course, dating Itachi had been a mistake; a wrong decision made out of what must have been false judgment. But that was in the past, no matter how much his brain tried to tell him that she would still willingly leap into his arms if he asked. There was something fishy about the claim that Iris had allowed Itachi back into her home, and Kakashi didn't believe for a moment that it was true; after again, basing his take on the situation off of her expressions. At the time, she had been nothing short of _stunned_ , and that gave him enough evidence to deem the situation as news to both of them. To come to the conclusion, that at the very least, Iris had not planned to see Itachi again. She had not called him here.

...Unless of course, she was an even _better_ actor than he now realized; but obviously, he didn't really want to think about that.

There was always a chance that she still loved him; always that light shining through the cracks to taint the perfect, unknowing darkness. If only Kakashi could just sit there, beneath the clouds, unable to see anything. Then, he wouldn't have to worry over how to prepare for the pain that was to come. He could simply let them happen; letting himself live in utter peace up until the very moment it hit.

He would sit on his carpet, look out the window, and see the calming absence of light, and hear the whoosh of the wind swishing past the metal framing. The air would feel heavier; colder; denser, and it would almost feel like precipitation was falling in his own living room, though it could have been two other things: one being a leaky ceiling, and the other being a sweaty Kakashi.

However, sweaty or not, sitting there, he would be safe. Much safer than he ever would be, outside in the storm; stuck in between a new enemy, and a girl he cared more about that even his own life, yet knew nothing about. And safe he would stay, up until the storm finally broke through his walls, surprising him, as he had not allowed himself to even _think_ about Iris while protected there.

And he would absolutely _loathe_ that shock, because as mentioned previously, Kakashi didn't like surprises.

But at the same time, he hated being in pain even more.

He couldn't _stand_ the clenching of his stomach that came with awful news; the earsplitting headaches that seemed to split his entire person right down the middle. It was always the same - always - just like the constant storms, and it never ceased to bring him right back to where he had started with his demons. They would creep back upon him, when he was weak, and somehow, they would wedge their uncertainties back into his brain. Even after he had officially decided something, within just a few seconds, they would be able to make him question every aspect about it again. And suddenly, Kakashi would have turned back into the insecure wreck he once was. The wreck he still was. The wreck he had never truly changed from.

And oh, did he _hate_ it.

Most often, this happened when it was something that had to do with Iris, and today was no exception. With this, he was again lost in a swirling funnel cloud of doubt, and he could think of nothing but the possible negative outcomes. Suddenly, he was certain that Iris cared nothing for him anymore, and that she would surely leave him for Itachi. After all, the Uchiha was more perfect than he. Kakashi was only a copy; a wannabe, that had never really 'wanted to be' in the first place, but more or less, got stuck with the titles and rumors that he now held. Itachi was incapable of making a mistake, incapable of being weak enough to have demons, and most of all, completely capable of taking care of Iris.

Whereas Kakashi was questionable, Itachi had the standards necessary utterly down to a tee. Iris would be happier with him. He was perfect, and Kakashi… Well, Kakashi was like a little plant. A tiny sprout grown from rich soil; expecting to be great, and then never living up to the expectations.

He was just a few days out of the ground, and he had shelter from a much larger plant that was hovering, and still developing, over him. _That_ plant, was Itachi. It had thrived since its youth, and now stood tall in the sky, dwarfing all other plants in size all around, known by everyone to be nothing short of perfect. It sucked up to others, trying to get positive remarks and favors, by shading the other, smaller plants. It dropped extra water onto them, and it did all it could to help the other plants grow. But then, behind their backs - in the figurative sense - he didn't allow any of them any sunlight.

As they tried to grow, that plant drowned them with compliments; making sure to keep them ignorant and blissful as he stole their main source of life. They wouldn't notice, as they were so ecstatic, but before long, they would begin to spot changes in their leaves and stems; always dried out for reasons they couldn't understand. Immediately, they would rush to this plant; asking him, "Why, why are we withering?" And he would answer with, "Perhaps I did not give you enough water," and the next time it rained, he would drown them; those unsuspecting plants trusting him unconditionally, yet never knowing a thing.

Kakashi was one of those little plants. And though _he_ was aware Itachi was taking all the nutrients necessary for living - Iris - because he was so weak and powerless, he could do nothing. He didn't have the strength to stand tall, like Itachi did, for Itachi was already blocking his way. He could not climb the mountain, as he would be tripped along the way.

And if he was to die before ever reaching his goal, then Kakashi wasn't sure if he even wanted to try.

It was a sad, pathetic life, living underneath Itachi's shadow, especially since he had just now met him, but Kakashi wasn't sure, at least at this point, if he had enough skills to overturn the hands of fate. Something was telling him to rush forward, to _try_ , but yet, he could not force his legs to move.

Yet again, he could use the flower analogy. While Itachi could send leaves, and fruits, and nuts from his branches off to do his bidding, Kakashi could do nothing, as he was simply a single sprout. And since Itachi had already taken all of the extra growths, Kakashi didn't even have a chance to ever become like him. He was just a barely noticeable, single leaf of green. No one could possibly ever find him, among the countless others that tried to stand up against the evil force, but were also unable.

His only hope, at this point, was that someone like Iris would come along. She was the type to notice someone like him; and she had, in the past. After all, without her, he wouldn't even be a sprout. He would simply be a seed. A little, angry seed. And though nothing he could do in the current time could possibly repay all the favors she had given him, he was unendingly grateful for what she had already done.

Kakashi, surely, didn't deserve to ask for any more of her help, after what he had done to her. He had been rude, and to put it simply, a complete and utter jerk, but she had accepted him with open arms. And for that, he was sure there would be no payment for; at least not one of this world.

He owed Iris. More than he knew; more than she knew. And even if it was to add to that unbearably high number of debt in terms of actions, Kakashi would _have_ to ask for her help again, if he had any hope of defeating Itachi, in whatever terms that applied to; whether it be physically or mentally.

His only wish was that this would be the last time.

And after this, Kakashi could start helping _her_.

(AN: Okay, so I admit: This was another lame chapter. I rushed through it just because I seriously wanted the next chapter to be in Iris's POV, because then I could actually progress the story, but that wouldn't follow the pattern, sooooo. I had no ideas, and this popped out of my fingers, so I can only hope that it wasn't TERRIBLE).


	17. 16 Yeah You Bleed to Know You're Alive

Iris's hands were like ice. Slow to react, with temperatures so low it bothered even herself, and an undeniably frozen core that kept her from shaking the other features away. They twitched with every movement, and even as she dug through her medical cabinet for fresh bandages - the task ranking as very important, considering that there was a bleeding man sitting in her room - they did not respond properly. Her fingers were completely limp, and as she tried to take hold of something, it slipped through her fingers instantly.

Even now, as she located the thing she was originally looking for, they did not align their movements with what her brain was telling them to do. She tried to move them, finger by finger, and the bandages did nothing but fall from her grasp; just like all the other tools she had already found, and now sat in a pile next to where she sat. Reaching down, she tried to pick up the roll one more time, but just as she thought she was finally getting the hang of it, again it jumped straight out of her hands, and she was forced to fumble around with it for the next eternity until she finally tightened her hold around it.

 _One down. About five other things - currently on the floor - to go._

Tentatively, as she wedged the roll under her armpit and reached for another object, Iris considered the possibility that all of this, (the ice-like fingers, the lack of control…) was _her_ fault. After all, she, herself, was scared. _Petrified_ , more like it. She was currently paralyzed with a fear so real it stung at her insides, and caused her entire body to tense up at every sound; every mention of her name. A fear that was, of course, all because of a certain visitor she now had resting in her home. A certain man that she had never expected to see again, and a phrase said by him, that affected not only her, but another important man in her life as well.

Without naming names, I'm sure you can guess just who fits those roles.

Currently, Kakashi sat fuming in her kitchen, and Itachi walked about wherever he pleased; watching her, and appearing from behind to frighten her even further whenever he saw fit. Iris had somehow adapted a certain flinch because of it, and now she was so jumpy that every little noise, small or large, took her so off guard that she almost let out a squeak every time.

Itachi, slightly sadistic as he had always been, seemed to be highly amused because of this. And Iris, who had always gotten annoyed with that side of him, wasn't so happy.

It wasn't exactly an ideal setup.

Instead of returning to their own respective homes, after they had arrived at Iris's place of dwelling just a short four days ago, neither Kakashi or Itachi had left, and nor had it stopped raining since the moment it began. There always a shower going on over their heads, and the constant pounding on her roof was driving her slightly insane. Other than the fact that her own frightened mind could have been making her hands clench up, this rain could easily have been an equal cause. She couldn't drive her mind away from it, no matter how hard she tried. And, for some reason, it bothered her profusely. It was like the rain was symbolizing the unending battle between the three of them. The unchangeable tense atmosphere that always hung in the balance, and never seemed to dissipate, just like the clouds. And again, for some reason, Iris couldn't stand it. She somehow knew that as long as that rain fell, there would be no peace in her house.

If she didn't made amends with Itachi, as well as with Kakashi, who she had most recently hurt, she would be stuck with a storm hovering over her house for the rest of her life. And, anyway, as it had already uprooted numerous plants, she had more than enough reason to be angry.

 _This storm was simply more than she could stand._

Despite her own feelings, on the other side of things, for Itachi and Kakashi, at this point, it was almost a contest. Whoever vacated the premises first - not like they would want to, or even be able to with the storm - was the loser. And, since both of them were highly competitive, though they didn't always show it on the outside, it was wise to expect that she wouldn't be free of their presence anytime soon. Iris would just have to keep feeding them until they got tired of their childish little squabble, and as she saw it, that wasn't really a concern. Iris was, right now at least, only worried about what would happened _after_. Quite simply, she wanted and _had_ to know if Itachi was actually serious about his claim to now be living with her again, just as they had back in the past. If the rain did actually stop, which would be going against her prediction, that's what she was worried about. Him never leaving, and her, being forced to deal with every little thing she had wished to forget all of this time. Him, pointing out how all of this was a lie, and how she had never truly gotten over what happened. Him, stating one simple fact that had plagued her for years, and would even more, now that it was being spoken out loud.

She was _weak_.

And before you ask...No. It didn't really help that she had just discovered he was injured.

Moments before, Iris had been tidying up her room before Itachi appeared at her side with a mug of coffee in his hand. He placed the cup down immediately after she brushed off a layer of dust that had been forming on her bookshelf, and without restraint, he wrapped his arms around her waist before she could fully protest. A few choice curses died in her throat as he traced a single finger down her back, and desperately, Iris sent out a wish for Kakashi to stay as far away from them as possible.

The conversation, though Iris was terribly tense, went something like this:

"You're working hard," he spoke into the silence.

She replied with, "And you're distracting me," before she gently - _gently_ \- tried to pry him off of her. He chuckled.

"Does my touch bother you?"

This was where she would have blushed, had she not been already, years ago.

"Very much so," she replied blatantly; expecting Itachi to be thrown off, but instead only being given another smirk into her hair.

"That's not very nice."

She tried to throw back a retort, something along the lines of, "Yeah, well I guess I'm not as nice as I seem. You should know that by n-" before she was rudely cut off by a very ominous, wet feeling on her back. Even without looking, she recognized the thickness of this particular liquid; the undeniable smell. There was blood on her back, and as of that time, she had had no idea who it belonged to.

Spoiler alert: _It was Itachi's._

Iris drew back with more force this time - Itachi withdrawing peacefully as he had realized that she knew - and she gazed at the splotch of red on the front of his shirt with fearful eyes.

"You're injured," she informed, and Itachi simply nodded, as if not affected, but still in obvious pain. She shook her head at him before pushing him down onto her bed, and without asking where or how he had gotten the injury, she left.

From there, she had traveled through and about her house in a swift pace before she came upon the closet that held all of her medical supplies. In there, she had everything she had ever needed, and from it, she had withdrawn the box that had just been plaguing her with woes of slippery bandages for the past ten minutes. Now ready, she headed briskly back to where she had come from, still hoping with all of her being that Kakashi had not yet been alerted of the situation. Iris wasn't certain, but she could guess that she didn't have the strength to deal with an accusatory Kakashi and as injured Itachi at the same time. Both, as she knew all too well, were terribly disagreeable.

"Itachi," she called softly; knocking on the door, which she had apparently closed before departing, though it was in fact her own home. He replied weakly with an exasperated sort of sound, which hinted at the fact that he wasn't exactly thrilled she would be going doctor on him any second now. She swung the door open - her hands still kind of slow - to reveal an abundance of stained bedsheets. She longed to gasp, but there was no air in her lungs as she raced forward; items spilling to the floor as she did so.

"Itachi," her voice frantic, she ripped his shirt away. "What the _hell_ did you get into this time?"

As the fabric was torn away, a large gash straight across his abdomen was revealed, and this time, Iris was able to gasp with a renewed lung capacity. She ran her fingers across the cut, evaluating how deep it was, until her hand - now just as bloody as her bed - was pulled away by another. She looked up, confused, at Itachi.

"This is nothing," he told her; his face straight, emotionless, and entirely the same as it had been the first time she had met him, back before she had figured out his strange quirks. Back before she had realized that all of his stoic emotions were hiding a depth so vast that even she, the queen of hidden secrets, had trouble comprehending. Back before she had spent half of her life with him.

Iris was fairly certain that a few years hadn't changed any of that.

She tore her hand away from his, and as she spoke quietly, her hand went back to rest on his stomach; applying pressure with a large strip of coarse fabric. "I'd like to think that all the time we spent together allowed you to trust me with the truth." She paused to sigh, and also to withdraw numerous cleansing wipes, and a bottle of rubbing alcohol. "I guess I shouldn't think that though, after what I did to you."

Itachi looked like he might respond, but as Iris was fearful as to what he might say, she chose that very moment to press a number of cotton balls doused in alcohol to the wound. He hissed, and bit back a breath, but he made no sound of pain otherwise. The only thing that currently worried her about his condition were the pair of eyes he had glued to her head; glaring, as he had known what her scheme had been. He knew she didn't want to discuss anything with him, and apparently, more than she had thought, it bothered him.

"I don't remember you ever being so cruel," he muttered; his hand flying to rest on hers as she stuck a disinfectant patch on the cut. Again he hissed, but he said nothing else, and as she unrolled the bandages to begin wrapping around his midsection, he was continually silent.

"And I _do_ remember you being so stubborn."

Iris began to wrap the bandages, and though it obviously pained him to do so, Itachi lifted his arms out of the way. She leaned into him, and a few strands of his long hair that escaped the ponytail brushed over her face.

She took in a deep breath.

"Are you ready to tell me how this happened now?" she asked, but going against what she hoped for, Itachi shook his head.

"It's not important." He winced as she tore the end of the bandage; sticking it against itself and withdrawing to admire her handiwork. "But as for what is...I have a message for you."

As that had caught her off guard, Iris stood up suddenly. "From who?"

Itachi looked pained, and suddenly, there was a terrible ringing in her ears. A horrible, horrible sound, that even as she clutched at the sides of her temples with shaking fingers, did not leave her. It simply rung its sickening tune, and as the seconds passed with Itachi saying nothing, the volume increased tenfold within the tiny perimeters of her brain.

 _No_ , she told herself, with what little sanity that still remained. _This wasn't happening._

Now, unlike it had been at the start, the sound had morphed until it wasn't just a repetitive siren. This noise, horrible as it was, suddenly had a melody to it. Something that it was following; a score of music that it obediently followed, and continued on for a one-woman audience that was terribly unwilling for it to persist as it still did.

Itachi took in a breath.

"I came, not because I personally wanted to torment you, but because your assistance has been requested once more."

Her breath was caught in her throat, and suddenly she envied him for being so able to easily keep his gaze in focus.

"I know it's been a while; years, actually. But the elders need your help. There's a man they want... _eliminated_ , and as you know, they trust no one more with a job like this than you. To answer your question, no, I don't plan on living in your house from now on. I'll leave as soon as you complete this job. But know that if you don't, a certain someone will become aware of what you are, and what you've done. I'm guessing you haven't told _him_ about any of this yet, correct?"

She shook her head. Kakashi was suspicious, but as of now, he knew nothing.

"So then," he spoke, and with some difficulty, raised himself up from her bed.

Iris had forgotten that he had even been injured, but now it reigned clear once more in the way that he stood. Still, she had no idea where the wound had come from, and it continued to bother her, but right now, she had more to worry about.

 _Something more,_ that just happened to be apply to being a former ninja, with connections on the wrong side of town.

Itachi smiled a grim smile.

"Are you willing to be become _Bloody Iris_ again for one last mission?"


	18. 17 And I Don't Want the World to See Me

Kakashi didn't get it. He simply couldn't understand.

One moment, everything was fine. Iris was making dinner, which, to be honest, despite the circumstances, contained a smell that was positively _heavenly_ , and the Uchiha was, for once, not bothering her. The sky's constant rain was finally seeming to lighten up, though only slightly, and overall, even if only inside of himself, there was definitely a lighter feeling about the things around him. The air seemed clearer, for one thing, and, though that may have simply been the result of him opening a window to let in some fresh air on the porch, Kakashi liked to believe that it was a sign that things were turning for the better. The world was finally smiling down on him, and, perhaps, for just this once, it was refraining from the absolute need to give all positive resources to Itachi; refraining from the need to keep Iris at such a spiritual distance from him.

Of course, Kakashi had known that it was entirely possible that the good fortune would not last. He knew that, but even still, he at least had enough humanity left in him to hope. Kakashi was finally being given a break, and he wished with all his heart that the momentary lapse in discipline would continue. He wanted to be relaxed, for once. He wanted the emotion of content and peace to be less foreign than it was. And, though if only for a little while, he wanted to be granted time to explain his feelings for Iris.

...However, (and quite consequently) despite how well the week had seemed to be going, Kakashi did not get his wish.

Bright and early on an unfortunately dreary Thursday morning, everything suddenly went wrong. After days upon days of contentedness, that web of lies, which had been swirling around in the minds of all three of them, finally broke. Something was spoken of; something personal, and something Kakashi even still knew nothing about. And once that string was snapped, there was no returning to the happy atmosphere they had previously had. The day was ruined. And, though, truthfully, it did not start out that way, there was no saving it now.

As already stated, early in the morning - earlier than when the crisis arose - everything had been fine. Not _perfect_ , obviously, as there was currently a criminal in the building, but still. That warped sense of peace they had had then was as good as the three of them were going to get, and, quite honestly, after becoming aware of what had happened after, Kakashi found that it was more than he could ever hope for. Of course, he hated even the _fact_ that Itachi was present, but even still, there hadn't been much danger in the situation. Kakashi had observed him for the past week, and as he had shown no signs of taking any violent actions, or even a sliver of evil intent, he had since deemed him at the very least, _decently_ trustworthy. He laid low, for the most part, and, even though he often hung around Iris like an extremely persistent insect, Kakashi had found no reason to reprimand him thus far. He was simply... _there_. And, though his presence obviously bugged Kakashi personally, he could not complain when the young Uchiha was not actually causing trouble.

The three of them - a combination of one woman, who wasn't as innocent as she seemed, one man that was your everyday common jounin working for Konoha, and another man that was a criminal - had lived together for an entire week. And, just for the record, not a single one of them was dead yet. They had somehow gotten through the obvious difficulties in living together, and, though he was not exactly the happiest camper in the world, Kakashi had since come to terms with it.

Quite honestly, at the point they had been at, he hadn't even minded the Uchiha's presence anymore. Sure, it was enough to be annoying, but the immense anger he had once held had died down considerably after he realized that he had no evil intent towards Iris. In Kakashi's book, as long as she was safe - her own secrets aside - he didn't mind even the most unbearable circumstances. He would walk on hot coals, jump in front of a katana; do _anything_ , if it was to protect her. He loved her. He knew that. And despite what he didn't know about her past, he had found that the fear of her hiding something did nothing to impact the sheer weight of how much he cared for her. Even still, as he was filled with anger at the thought of her keeping secrets from him, he wanted to kiss her. Nothing changed that want, and he was sure that nothing ever would. Kakashi Hatake was in love; a love that was renewed with every glance he stole, and every spark of jealousy he felt when Itachi was too close. Foolish or not, he was sticking to it. Nothing anyone said, not even his own voice of reason, could sway him.

And that was exactly how he liked it.

But, well, putting aside whether he was in love or not, the day's problem emerged soon after their morning breakfast. After a collaborative effort of cleaning and putting away the dishes, they had all gone their separate ways; Iris to clean her room, Itachi to make coffee, and Kakashi, to sit in the living room and stare out the window with a forlorn expression. The seconds ticked by, and as the hour changed from eight to nine, Itachi left the kitchen; walking in the direction of Iris's room with not one, but two mugs of coffee.

It became obvious instantly that one was for Iris, and, though this sort of thing usually caused Kakashi's blood to boil, for some reason, on that particular day, he had let it go. Now, as he knew the outcome of this choice, he wasn't sure if it had been good or bad, but still, whatever the case was, it had happened. Kakashi simply stayed put, still staring out the window; letting Itachi pass in the mindset that Iris deserved some refreshment after taking the time to clean so the two men would feel welcome.

Some time passed, and honestly, Kakashi wasn't sure how much. However, soon enough, it became known within his mind that the passing minutes were bordering dangerously long, and that, if Iris wasn't already dead, she and Itachi were currently having a private conversation that he would like to hear; not only as a former Anbu, but also as a concerned friend.

So, he set off towards Iris's room.

But he didn't get far.

Just as he began walking, to his immediate pleasure, Iris emerged from her room. However, as he took a closer look, he found that she was carrying a basket containing reddened sheets, sporting a face so white she looked as if she had seen a ghost. And quite instantly, just as fast as his heart had risen at her approaching form, the situation got steadily worse.

Kakashi became rigid at the sight of her, and on reflex, began asking what was wrong, but she shrugged him off with an aloof brush of her hand. Her eyes revealed nothing, and neither did the suspicious sight of Itachi chasing after her, covered in bandages, but even with the little information he had, Kakashi deduced that it had something to do with yet another aspect of her life that he knew nothing about.

And the thought of it had him fuming in seconds; despite the fact that he had already suspected as much.

His second vocal response was immediate.

"What happened?" he asked; his voice higher than he would have preferred.

Iris's eyes were still lacking a certain amount of mental presence, so Itachi turned to him in place of her; clenching his teeth, as if the apparent injury where the bandages were wrapped were paining him greatly, but he refused to reveal any sign of weakness. "It does not concern you," he told him, and with a snarl, he snaked a hand around Iris's shoulders. She, being the woman in question, did nothing to stop him, as she was still in a state of shock, but again, as he did not know the reason that caused it, he couldn't find it in himself to pity her. Even though she was practically unconscious, being so intimate with Itachi, criminal as he was, not to mention a man he hardly knew, was unforgivable. And Kakashi was not having any of it.

"I don't recall ever becoming an outsider in her life," he seethed. "Tell me what happened."

Itachi looked equally as displeased, but with a shake of his head, decided to slow a bit of mercy.

"I realized you weren't a stranger a long time ago," he acknowledged; looking half irritated that Kakashi used that as his argument, and half remorseful, as if those words meant more than he realized. Itachi continued.

"Iris has something she needs to take care of. And, before you ask, it's not my place to say what that something is. Ask her when she's ready to tell you."

He looked like that was all he wanted to say, but after a few seconds of glaring at Kakashi's furious expression, his voice came to an abrupt restart in the form of a hiss.

"Look, Hatake, I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, and I understand that. But right now, I need you to stay away from her, and from the both of us. If you can do that, I can promise that she'll return to you safely by the end of the month."

 _There was 21 days until the end of the month. It was the ninth._

"However, if you can't, I can assure you of no such thing. You make your own choice, but know that if you follow us, she will be in much worse danger than she ever would be if you stay put. Believe me on this one; even if you haven't believed anything else I've told you in my stay here. This isn't a joke. What we're going to do isn't a joke. And if you treat it like some fun game of tag on the playground, you will personally become the reason for Iris's pain."

He hissed quietly as Kakashi stared at him; fury still dancing in his eyes, and said, "I hope to never have to see you again," and suddenly, his form began to fade.

"Wait!" Kakashi cried; before he and Iris completely disappeared.

Again, he called after him, asking, "How am I supposed to believe such a cryptic and vague assurance?" instantly allowing his gaze to flit over to Iris once more, who still seemed to be out of it. Itachi as well, looked over to her, and for once, the stoic man let a clear emotion slip across his face, if only for a second; regret, or more simply: guilt, but before Kakashi could ask why, or even acknowledge the fact that he had personally seen that his eyes showed the truth, Itachi was gone. And with him, was Iris.

 _The sound of the front door opening and shutting made a shiver run down his spine._

Kakashi ran forward in a desperate dash to grasp at the place where she had once stood, but all that remained was the basket full of sheets; which, upon closer examination, seemed to be covered in blood. His eyes widened, and with a gasp, instantly shot out a prayer that it did not belong to Iris. Of course, with the bandages, it was only logical that Itachi would be the one injured, but even still, the thought of her in pain had him losing his sanity all over again. _If Itachi had done anything to her…_

No. No, he shouldn't even think about it. If he was going to survive the next three weeks without his saving grace, then he would have to think positively, and only hope for her safety, rather than think about what might happen. He shouldn't consider the negative outcomes. He shouldn't worry. Itachi was skilled in more than he knew, and Iris was a strong woman herself. There wouldn't be a problem; not on the journey, not in whatever it was that they were doing, and not on the trip back. Everything would be fine. He believed that. And, yet, somehow, the fact that he truly had no _clue,_ that he had absolutely _no idea_ where they were going, and what they were planning on doing didn't exactly allow him to be content with the situation. The fact that he was okay with the current events was a lie. A terrible lie; one that was kept much worse than the one Iris had kept for two years. And Kakashi, outwardly brave and aloof as he was, found his insides breaking down at the thought of it.

Anything could be happening to her while he wasn't there. Literally, _anything_. She hadn't given him a single hint, or even a fleeting emotion that showed how confident she was about the task at hand. No, that wasn't all he wanted from her - he wanted to know the whole truth, obviously - but even if he had gotten that alone, he would have felt better than he did now. If she had smiled at him, he would have been able to be at peace. If she had grasped his hand and told him personally that she would be fine, then he wouldn't have as big of a problem. The fact was that she hadn't done that. She hadn't given him anything. Iris had simply stared past him at the wall; her eyes blank, and her skin a deathly color, and then, without even a word, she had left. And Kakashi, secretly fragile as he was, was having a hard time accepting such a thing.

It was no lie that he wanted to trust her; that he wanted to be a full supporter of everything she did. That, at the very least, was the complete truth, because in fact, despite his anger at the subject, he really did want to. However, something told him - he didn't know what it was, but it was _something_ \- that he shouldn't. It was no secret that she was hiding something from him, and that if he didn't act now, it would continue to remain just that. He simply couldn't trust what Itachi had told him; that Iris would simply be gone for three fourths of a month, and would then return completely unscathed and ready to tell him everything.

It just didn't add up; not with the current atmosphere, and definitely not with the storm. Not with those foreboding clouds, and that wind and rain that began steadily picking up once more; howling and pounding as if a testament to how strong her house was.

Iris, as of right now, couldn't be completely trusted.

 _And that, more than anything else, was why he followed them._


	19. 18 I Don't Think that They'd Understand

(AN: This story is obviously going to differ from the actual Naruto plot. Do not be alarmed. Also, don't kill me for the lack of update in the last two months. I have been busy with various things lately. And I may be planning another story because I'm stupid and don't know when to stop. Oh, and I shall again remind you that Itachi is older than Kakashi and Iris by a few years here. Sasuke remains the same age as he was when Itachi killed the Uchiha clan, so there's just a bigger gap between their ages. Does that make sense?).

Running through the forest - especially when heavily weighed down by shock - is no easy task.

There are many difficulties to face, both directly on the path, as well as in the midst of the trees, and you can never be too certain, or too careful. The forest, dark and foreboding as it often is - especially in the dreary and continuous rain - includes a number of rather unsettling and often unspeakable things. Whether it be the encounter of a strange, wild animal, or the accidental consumption of a poisonous plant, one must always be ready. You have to be poised, prepared - both mentally and physically - and indefinitely composed. Nothing should be able to shake you; should be able to rattle your mind enough to take your focus away from the dangers of your location.

 _Nothing_.

As a former kunoichi, Iris had once lived by this rule. In those days, which now seemed like both ages ago and just yesterday all at once, it had been her motto; her ninja way. It was the definition of what she lived by, and Iris prided herself with her ability to follow it. She practically _killed_ herself trying to uphold it. Every day, every night, she reminded herself to never let her guard down. She told herself, every hour, every minute, and every second, to stay alert. And nothing - just like the nothing that could ever shatter her firm and uncompromising opinion of that forest - was ever supposed to change that.

But, of course, such thoughts had come before the Itachi incident.

Consequently, before the tragedy of that moment began weighing down on her mind - some eight years ago - she _was_ actually living by such morals. And, at 17, including all the years before it in which she had performed as a ninja of Konoha, truly, that was all she thought about. All _he_ told her about the forest which surrounded the base, she listened to, and she believed; so much that she even went as far as to hate the very thought of the trees as she ran through them. She was cautious of those forests; cautious of Konoha, and cautious of the people inside of it. He told her they were out to get her. He told her the Hokage was not to be trusted. She didn't accept it, at first, but she also didn't doubt his judgment. At 17, she was young and foolish. So she believed.

 _He_ also spouted lies - which she thought to be truths, for all she knew at the time - about the twisted capital, and the corrupted officials that sat at the head of the Land of Fire. He told her that they were the main source of malice in this region, and the reason there was still evil at all; in any land. He told her that she should be very wary. And very wary, indeed, she was. Iris did not speak to the Hokage for some time. She disappeared from the map. She only listened to _him_.

He told her to be very vigilant toward the people of Konoha. To shut them out, and if possible, to never let them see her at all. She was to be his secret weapon; the ultimate force they never knew about. She was to save him, and every other good soul worth saving in the decomposing country. She was to be the hero. She was to be the savior. She was to be the shining star in the blackest of nights.

And the she at 17 had believed him.

Fast forward one year. The disdain for the people of Konoha, though she had no personal experience, had grown. Iris was callous, cold, and hungry for a sick sense of justice, just as _he_ wanted. She was prepared to do anything for him. She wanted all of this to finally be over.

At 18, he gave her an assignment. A dangerous, horrible assignment. One she never should have accepted. But she did. The she that still clung to the comfort he gave her took that mission wholeheartedly. And that had been the worst mistake of her life.

That day, as she still remembered it vividly, had been a turning point. It brought her to her senses with the worst wake up call imaginable, and it instigated the end of her ninja career. Her years of glory were over. She was not to be a hero; that had never been her job. She had been played; had been used, and stepped on, just because she was naive and young and desperate for love. She only wanted someone - someone other than her parents, who understood the burden of a power like hers - and yet she had been punished for it. Yet she had lost the only friend she had ever made, and the holy visage of her second father in one fell swoop.

 _Indeed, Iris was not the hero._

That day was the reason Itachi left. It was the reason their healthy and still blossoming relationship fell to an undeserving end, and it was the reason she still felt guilty beyond belief until this very day. What went down - the events being 100% her fault - was the reason she was sure to never again live peacefully. It was what kept her awake at night. It was what ate away at her soul every chance it got. And it definitely was unforgivable.

Even Iris, who had unceasingly less right than Itachi to hate herself, had never forgotten. Not even for a moment.

Of course, if only for an instant, she wished she could be free of the burden it put on her shoulders. She hoped that one day, Itachi would appear back in her life. That he would stroll in, sweep her off her feet, and tell her that it was all one big nightmare. That none of it had ever happened, that he was still her loving but somewhat stubborn boyfriend, and things were still all right with the world. With her great luck that was always eager to reappear, part of that dream had come true. But not the part she wanted.

Itachi had indeed returned. She had just spoken with him, at the most, an hour ago, before they decided to split up to cover more ground. He was real, without a doubt, and it for once was not just a fantasy. However, instead of arriving with a smile and a sloppy kiss, his homecoming had entailed nothing but angst and despair. Instead of a tale of forgiveness, he had asked her to come out of retirement. To return to what she had cast off, with the hope of never rekindling the flame, and to come with him on a possibly suicide mission that had never been fully explained. Undoubtedly, Iris had no idea what she was doing, why she was doing it, and why Itachi had been so insistent that she come along with him. All she knew, right now, was that instead of killing her on the spot, he had decided to drag out her suffering. And she wasn't sure whether or not she should be grateful for that.

All she knew, was that without a doubt, seven years ago, she had made a mistake. She had screwed up so terribly that even the heaven so longed for above was shaking its head, and now, right here and right now, she was to finally pay for it. Itachi leaving her alone in the world, and her neighbors of various towns picking at her faults had not been enough. Iris, for what she had done, deserved capital punishment. And, truly, there was no better person to administer the sentence than Itachi.

He understood, like no one else did, that she had messed up big time. He knew that she had been an idiot, and he now - for good reason - despised her for it.

Itachi knew he could never love her again, never hold her in his arms like he so used to love - simply because the image of what she had done would flash through his mind no matter the time or date. He had never forgotten. She never planned to forget. And if it was necessary for him to offer her to a man she once trusted with her life but now wished death upon for the sake of revenge, then so be it. Iris welcomed it with open arms.

Even if Itachi actually forgave her, she wasn't sure she could accept it. It would be like she was cheating the system, and after her experience with the deceitful side of things, she was more than used to the rules. She knew how this game worked. Nothing would stop her from receiving the punishment she deserved.

 _Nothing_.

"I'm sorry," she whispered suddenly in a quiet voice; almost becoming a child's as it wisped away in the wind. It reminded her of the time she had been alone in the kitchen, back at work, after that terrible fight with Kakashi, and even though she had since made a pact with herself to not think of him while on this mission, she allowed her mind to wander for a few seconds.

Iris missed Kakashi. She really, really did. And even though her heart and mind was dead set on dealing with Itachi right now, she still selfishly longed to wrap herself in that silver haired moron's embrace; to smother him with kisses and confess that she had found a new love for herself. Iris wanted to see him. But she also knew, just as the less rash side of her did, that that wasn't possible. That that would never be possible.

After all, this was all part of her punishment, was it not? Iris was never allowed to love again. She could never be happy after she had taken all that made Itachi feel that very same emotion. It wouldn't be fair, and it wouldn't be right. So, though with a heart similar to that of a block of lead, Iris tugged on her mask - similar to the one Kakashi wore - which she had added to her standard ninja garb to avoid recognition, in a deafening manner.

Still hoping that the apology would somehow, by some miraculous trick of fate, reach its destination, she bent her head in a quick, silent prayer; instantly and again deciding that even if Itachi didn't accept it, it would be alright with her. She deserved it.

Truly, after what she had done, it wasn't like an apology meant much of anything anyway.

"Dammit," Iris swore; more in reference to her own failure than to the disgusting sight of an unfortunately swollen heap of limbs at her feet. With a shaky foot, she poked at what used to be a fully functional arm, only to shy away as the muscles jumbled inside of it twitched. Iris wiped furiously at the blood on her exposed cheek; muttering a few more curses - which never would have left her mouth in normal circumstances - incoherently.

"That wasn't the plan."

More like _definitely_ wasn't.

Currently sitting in front of Iris, looking as if it had just crawled out of her worst nightmare - though she didn't have horror dreams like this particularly often - was the crumpled form of a once, rather tall and well-built fellow; one she was at the very least glad to know wasn't one of her comrades.

She had to force herself not to gag.

Along with being swollen, red with harsh rashes, and soaked to the core, the unresponsive body was also completely covered in mud - yes, it was still raining: Iris was not happy - and overall it wasn't the prettiest sight. Despite how lucky she felt, both for her and the man alike that he wasn't dead, she couldn't find it in her to rejoice at the assurance that his current state was something he could recover from. For the time being, Iris could only consider the presence of him at the front of her boots a burden. Her lack of certainty about his safety, if not only as a doctor, but also as a guilty cause, was compromising the fluidity of her mission, and if she didn't regroup with Itachi at the allotted time, there would be another, rather irritating load of unnecessary trouble.

To recap:

Roughly two hours ago, she and Itachi had split up on their journey to seek out their target - person being a man she had never wanted to see again, which Itachi knew but disregarded - to avoid suspicion. She went a more roundabout way, which she unfortunately knew like the back of her hand due to her many years spent returning to the residence in question with reports, and he traveled straight down the middle; ready to plow through anyone who might try to confront him. While apart, they had made decent ground for the time spent, and Iris, both fortunately and _un_ fortunately, had met a total of six human obstructions, plus one hound, in the past hour. The most recent was the jumble of limbs - luckily still attached - at her feet.

Like with the others - all five of them, six if you count that obnoxious canine - her intention had been not to kill, but to at the very least make them lose consciousness. She couldn't let them know of her purpose, but at the same time, she wanted to spare them, as they were still ninjas of Konoha, despite being an annoyance for getting in her way. _Therefore_ , she had to think of a way to do so with the least amount of trouble.

In the past, she had learned a nifty little trick - involving a very precise jab to a certain chakra point - but as the years had dragged on with her inactivity in such endeavors, she had long since forgotten about exactly which point it was. After five attempts - again, technically six - she had narrowed it down to be between the neck and the shoulders. But, when she tried to perform the action for the former on the man now in a heap before her, something went wrong.

In moments after, once she had calmed down about the situation, it had come to light that she had simply pressed one of the control points for the man's central nervous system, which had in turn caused something along the lines of a bodily reset. The knowledge calmed her, of course, but even still, it definitely did nothing to ease her guilt. She had literally watched a man crumple to the floor before her eyes; watched him go completely limp. She had _seen_ his terror, pure and true, staring at her cloaked figure reflected in his eyes, and, if that wasn't already enough, he had fallen onto a patch of poison ivy, where he had received numerous red and angry rashes she had been forced to treat. _This_ had resulted in the immobile body becoming a pink, fleshy, swollen heap, and to top it all off, besides the fact that the both of them were covered head to toe in mud, she had sliced her cheek open on a thorn waiting at the ready on a tree branch.

 _Iris wasn't exactly having a good day._

However, surprisingly, what bothered Iris the most was _not_ that she had gone through so much frustration for no reason, but that despite the fact that she had seen much worse; despite the fact that she had _done_ things much worse herself, she still felt a sharp pang of shame as she stared at his rag-doll similar figure. She still felt guilty about the things that she did, minor or not, and she still couldn't help but beat herself up over her wrongdoings. This man was yet another mistake, made by her at the expense of others. She had failed again, and nothing could ever change that.

For some reason, even that simple fact irritated her more than that stupid dog ever would.

In truth, Iris hated that she couldn't do anything more to help this man. She hated that she had been the one to cause this awful mess in the first place, and she hated the fact that she was still so bothered by it.

Her demons didn't like this side of her; this caring mother character that desired to keep the safety of others sacred above all else - even herself. They loathed it, even to want to grab it right out of her; choking the life out of it until it was no longer a part of her. They wanted to erase it. And somehow, they had managed to convince her that it would be a good idea; despite the fact that she never actually could.

After all, it _was_ the only thing that made her human. If that was destroyed, then so was she.

Of course, for years when she was young and foolish - with the same stupidity as mentioned previously - she had let this aspect of her life struggle to survive in the depths of her soul. She had dismissed it as nothing; pretended that killing didn't bother her; pretended that there wasn't a natural air of a protective nature about her. Iris figured that if she simply didn't acknowledge it, over time, it truly would cease to exist. She would forget entirely, and before long, she would be completely free of the burden it held against her duty. She would be able to carry out any task without restraint, and as she always sought to please, the thought of it excited her. She wanted him to like her. She wanted him to be pleased with what she accomplished.

Of course, at that time, she hadn't known. Iris wasn't aware that the only reason she wasn't a mindless killing machine _was_ this desire to protect the innocent; to help them, and to hate anything that had to do with hurting anyone without reason. It was her saving grace, the only thing that kept her sane, and yet the her at that time wanted to eliminate it.

Now, of course, she was glad that she had failed. If she hadn't, assuming that she would already be dead or worse wasn't an over exaggeration. That would have been her fate, had she not realized when she did. Had she not made the biggest mistake of her life; had she not hurt Itachi.

For this, at the very least, she had to thank the heavens that things had turned out the way they did. She hated how deeply she had damaged him the most, but the selfish side of her also acknowledged that those turn of events kept her alive. Maybe she came out of it in worse shape than she went in. Maybe they both did. But nonetheless, it had happened for a reason, and even if she could never forgive herself - even if he could never forgive her either - she knew she was only alive because of that reason.

Obviously, because of that very same nature the demons inside of her wanted to get rid of, she hated the thought of gaining something from taking everything from another, but it was true. And though it ate away at her soul every day; every waking moment, she knew that she would rather have this than be dead. At least for now, when she actually had something to live for. She had to help Kakashi out of his slump; she had to cure him of his own demons, even if she couldn't cure herself of the very same ailment. She _had_ to. And even if she had to suffer to do it, she didn't care. She would go to hell and back for him. She loved him, even if she didn't have the right to.

All she had to do was survive for a little bit longer; persuade fate to give her just a little bit more time. She couldn't die yet. She couldn't accept the ultimate punishment before she knew that Kakashi would be all right. Not even if she deserved it.

 _She couldn't give in. She couldn't die._ But for now, as her mind was supposed to be on the mission at hand, she dismissed the thought; reminding herself that she had to think of the positives while she still had time to do so.

 _Well,_ she thought. _One could thing had come out of this endeavor, at least._

 _Now she knew where the correct point was._

"Shoulders, huh?" she asked herself without much actual purpose; her head low and her voice equally unenthusiastic.

"I'll have to remember that."

Thinking back to the time, just minutes after he had fallen to the ground, Iris had confirmed the bodily location by knocking him out for real this time; to put him out of his misery. (If she was being honest, she would note that it was more for her own sense of completion than sympathy, but either way, she was rather certain that the man was much happier unconscious in his current state anyway. In any case, she didn't dwell on it for long).

Taking out her supplies, she mended his many odd wounds; wrapping the more severe areas with bandages. After that was finished, and she had determined that he seemed to be at the very least away from the danger of dying, she took his body by the feet and dragged him over so he was lying under a tree rather than the open field - more to protect him from the rain that any rogue ninja passing by. With a silent prayer, she hoped that one of his comrades would soon discover him, and that the ones she had knocked out earlier hadn't been his only chance for survival.

Then, with a slight throb of guilt still stuck in the pit of her stomach, she dismissed herself from the scene; finally dismissing her own feelings, leaving the man alone, and returning to the rain.

Iris continued on her way with labored, but still quick steps; taking the familiar landscape to mean that she was close to the desired location. Her hand flew up to tighten her ponytail; a scowl present on her usually welcoming features.

So Iris's skills were a _little_ rusty. She could work around that. No problem.

 _After a solid 10 minutes of running, she had already forgotten about the man._

Popping her fingers outward, and listening to the satisfying chorus of cracks that came with the sudden and swift joint manipulation, Iris set her gaze back onto the forest ahead of her. Her pace sped up ever so slightly; just as the wind decided to pick up and send another barrage of heavy rain directly at her. Only one thing ran through her mind.

 _She just needed to get this over with._

(AN: *CRIES* I just spent a few hours writing a rough outline for every chapter until the end - I have a limited number because of the limited number of lines in the song, so I can't do whatever I want - and despite my assurance that the ending will be beautiful, I'm still really sad. I haven't even written it yet, and I already feel like this wonderful experience is over. I don't want it to ever end! This is my favorite story I have on here! D: I think it's going to end up being around 33 chapters, plus the prologue and epilogue, which technically makes it 35. There's going to be so much tension in the next few chapters!

...In other news, I've decided to edit all of the chapters so far. If you look back, you can see that I recently redid the prologue and chapters one and two. My goal is to make every chapter at least 2,000 words, but it's going to take a while.

Anyway, I'll stop rambling. Thanks for reading, as always. Comment, please. :3 I'll cry even more if you don't).


End file.
